Page 125 of Burn for You

I can feel the waterworks leaking again. For god’s sake, here we go again.

Rafael must see something in my eyes, because he cups my face and levels his eyes with mine. “Let me get one thing straight—I am giving you space, but I am not abandoning you. I am not giving up on you. I will never do that, okay?” I nod. “I’m still here and I’m still trying. And when you figure out what it is that you truly want, you know exactly where to find me.”

I nod again. I don’t know how I’m meant to figure that out…what I want.

Rafael smiles in front of me. “And don’t go thinking this will ever get easy. I can assure you it won’t. I can guarantee you won’t stop trying to get under my skin, and I won’t stop trying to make you understand meatball etiquette. But that’s what I want. I want chaos with you. I want your chaos, I want your stubborn, I want your fire. You can’t scare me away, even if you try.”

As he says the words out loud, I repeat them in my head, and realize I don’t want him to leave me here. I don’t want space. I had space, and it didn’t help. I just want him here, next to me. I always want him next to me.

Maybe that’s all I need to know. Not what breed of dog we will have, or whose house we will live in. Maybe it can all just be as simple as the fact that I don’t ever want him to leave me.

I grip his head and pull him towards me, crushing my lips against his. I don’t have the words to explain myself, so I just let my body do the talking.

He groans into my mouth and pulls on my waist, yanking me off the chair and into his lap. Our lips never part as we tumble clumsily onto the grass. I moan as his tongue meets mine, and I grind my hips over his as I straddle him.

Rafael has always kissed me like he means it. But this time he means something more. Something I try to give back, something Itry to say with my lips because I don’t know if I’m ready to speak it out loud.We’ve always been better at communicating with our bodies.

“May,” he growls.

“Yes, chef?”

He wraps an arm around me and flips us over, leaving me laying on the cool grass. “I love you.”

My heart tries to leap from my chest towards Rafael, like it wants to find a home inside his body, resting right next to his. My eyes meet his, and I hope he can see in them everything that I am so scared to say.

He must like whatever he sees because within a second, he’s unbuckling his belt. I shuffle beneath him, pulling my shorts down my legs.

He runs a finger against me. “Fuck, I’ll never get sick of that.”

I grin up at him and wrap my arms around his neck, pulling him down to me. He kisses me, his lips warm and soft as he pushes into me. Our collective moans fill the clearing.

Until he freezes.

“What?”

“I’m not wearing a condom.”

I sigh in relief, thankful that’s all it is. “It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not.” He goes to pull out.

I grip my hands firmly on his ass and push him all the way back into me. “Don’t. I want this. More than anything right now, I need to feel you. Please.”

“May,” he starts, but I nod and pull his lips back to mine. I can’t stand to be apart even for a second, and that’s when I realize that I really, truly never want to be away from him. If Rafael left tomorrow, if he disappeared, my heart would shatter into tiny little pieces that would stab me every time I thought of him. I’ve always thought of that as a bad thing, remembering the last time. But with every stroke of Rafael’s tongue against mine, I realize that this is what makes me feel alive.

This feeling, this man, this love yanked me out of the numbfog I was walking around in every day. Somehow I thought that it was easier than this. Keeping myself at a distance from anything near this kind of feeling. But as Rafael’s eyes meet mine, I think I would do it all again. I wouldn’t ever want to forget this feeling. I think I missed him before I even met him.

“Oh god,” I moan. “Rafael.”

The mix of his length filling me up all the way, and the clarity in my mind, is drawing me right to the edge.

He shoves one of his fingers in my mouth and then pulls it out, sliding his hand down my stomach and rubbing his finger over my clit. My eyes slam shut as his finger teases me perfectly in time with his thrusts.

My fingers grip his hair, and he sucks air through his teeth but doesn’t move away. His pace increases, and I moan into the fresh air.

“Rafael,” I whimper.

“Right here, spitfire.”

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