Page 84 of Burn for You

“Everything.”

The volume of the silence in the space forces me to bring my attention back to where she’s looking up at me with inquisitive eyes. “Where do I start,” I huff a laugh.

She shrugs. “Wherever you want to.”

The fact that she’s asking more about me after she told me nothing can happen between us leaves me surprised, but I'm not going to argue with it.

I run it over in my mind, all the different places I could start, all the different things I could say.

“My parents were the perfect couple. Sickeningly in love. God, they were so PDA, in front of everyone too. I used to hate when my friends from school came around because they were so embarrassing.”

I chance a glance towards May, and she’s smiling down at the wall where she’s working, giving me a semblance of privacy to open up.

“When they died, it felt like my entire world ended. It felt like nothing would ever be right again. It’s bad enough to lose one parent, but losing two at once…it gutted me. All I wanted was to see them together again, to see them making out right in front of me like they used to, just to see their love once more. I got so angry. So angry that the drunk driver that killed them got to keep living his life as if he didn’t just take the two most important people in my life away from me. I took that anger out in any way I could. I stopped caring about anything outside of my grief.”

May has stopped working now, instead fiddling with her hands in her lap.

“And then Nonna decided to teach me how to cook. She had taught me small things since I was a kid, but that time was when she gave her all into teaching me everything she knew. To give me something to do that I felt like I was succeeding in. I’m sure at the start the stuff I made was horrible, but she treated everything that I made like it was her last meal on earth, making me feel like I was doing something good. Something that was actually worth my time, instead of being swallowed up by my grief.”

I dunk my trowel back in the bucket, giving me something to do with my hands as I glide the plaster along the wall, covering the seams between the plasterboard, being more precise than what is necessary but needing something to keep my body occupied.

“In time, I got better. We used to make every dinner together while Marisol sat at the island watching us. She was my best friend. The one person who knew exactly how I felt. She was always taking photos when we were young. When our parents died, sometimes she’d come into my room, and we’d scroll through photos and videos of them that she had on her phone and cry our fucking eyes out.” I shake my head. “I always thought to myself that I was so lucky to have her, that I didn’t know if I could’ve done it by myself, if I could’ve survived my grief without her by my side.”

May looks over at me now. “It sounds like you guys were close.”

“We were,” I breathe. “She knew more about me than even Caio did, and growing up didn’t stop us from sharing our secrets.” I find myself smiling at the memory, and I force it away.

“And then, two years ago, Nonna died. Getting old doesn’t make the loss any easier. My heart broke just as hard when I was thirty-two as it did when I was eighteen. Except this time, I didn’t have Marisol. She just…disappeared. Not even a day after Nonna’s funeral, she skipped town. She left me a note,” I scoff. “A sticky note on my car door.I can’t be here anymore. I love you, Marisol.”

“Oh, Rafael.” May looks like she wants to wrap me in a hug, so I focus back on the wall in front of me.

“I haven’t seen her since. Not until that night in Sorrento. Even then, it was less than five minutes with her, and she couldn’t get away fast enough. So for the last two years, it’s just been me, it feels like I’m all that’s left of my family. Me and this place,” I look around the space. “And the memories of everyone that’s left me. I know my parents and Nonna never chose to leave, but Marisol did. Maybe that’s why it hurts the most, because everyone else got taken away from us, but shechoseto leave.”

May’s eyes look me over, as if seeing me differently. “Is that why you’ve never been with someone seriously?”

I shake my head. “Maybe. I’ve never liked anyone enough to let them in.”

“You just let me in.”

“Yeah, I did.”

chapter thirty-one

MAY

“Sorry!”I apologize to the girl I bumped into on my way back to the bar. Marina’s is packed tonight.

I sneak around the bar to get refills for our table. The group of us have been here for a few hours, and it’s only gotten busier since. Marina can’t avoid looking over at the new bartender, Molly, for more than ten seconds. I see her glance over as I start mixing up margaritas.

“Molly?”

“Yeah?” she replies immediately from the other end of the bar.

“You good?”

“Honestly, Marina looking over here every five seconds is stressing me out more than the amount of customers.”

Molly is here for three months from London, and she’s already been working part time for Marina for the better part of a month.

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