Page 52 of Bound to You

Her words claw at the edge of my mind. At the end of the day she’s right, isn’t she? I can’t just run away thinking it will fix everything. In reality it will just make things worse when I inevitably go back.

But I can’t imagine going back there after being somewhere so vibrant. My life in New York is dull in comparison to this. I know people might call it holiday fever, but I don’t necessarily feel like I’m on holiday anymore. Everyday this place feels a little bit more like mine, and after May dropped the bomb on me that she’s not in any rush to go home, my head has been spinning, reevaluating what I want my life to look like.

My hair is blowing behind me now, and I take a few intentional breaths. In for three, hold, and out for three. I don’t meditate, but right now feels like one of those times that I should pretend that it works for me.

I give up, opening my eyes to the ocean in front of me. I stand up and quickly strip my clothes off before walking into the water, needing to feel the steady calm of the waves around me.

I don’t think I can change the feeling that’s blooming in my soul. My love for Ruby Cove and the little life we are carving out here grows every day. These people and this place feel like home, even after such a short period of time. I just can’t figure out if that’s a good or a bad thing.

I can’t help but feel like it’s too good to be true and it’s all just going to blow up in my face, like I’m just waiting for the bomb to drop.

But despite that, as I look out, I can’t help but smile. I lay back floating on my back, closing my eyes against the sun as I relent all control, giving myself over to the waves.

The feeling of the water holding me in place makes my worries feel so insignificant, it’s cathartic. It feels like I could write my worries in the sand, wait, watch the tide wash over them and let that worry drift out to sea. It reminds me that whatever that worry is, it’s temporary, everything is if I choose it to be.

I need to remember what I came here for, I needed to get away, to take time for myself, to figure out whatIwant. I’m not letting other people dictate what I do anymore.

I spend the next few hours out here, watching the sun go to sleep, flicking my page every time the sky changes, hoping to capture every moment. Granted I could just take a photo, but it’s not the same to me.

I’ve nearly filled every page now. Creating so freely like this helped me get out of my head and reconnect with myself. It gave me time to think. I need to give myself the space to simply exist here. Spend time with myself, reevaluate what I really want for myself, hopefully by the end of summer I’ll have made progress in being the woman I really want to be.

I want to be the woman who does what she wants wholly, who prioritizes doing things that make her happy, no matter what they are, the woman who my friends and family can be proud of because I finally stood up for what I want in my life. That’s who I hope to be someday, I don’t know how long that will take, and I know it’s definitely not as easy as it sounds, but I’m kind of excited to see how I get there.

chapter twenty-one

ISLA

The bar is rowdy tonight,the busiest it’s ever been while I’ve been on shift, but it’s a Friday night so karaoke is kicking off and it’s half priced drinks. It seems everyone decided tonight was the night to cash in.

I’m slowly getting to know more and more of the people here, and I’m starting to feel like more people are getting to know me too.

Like Enzo, who comes into the bar every Tuesday at 3:00 p.m. on the dot for a strawberry kombucha. I’ve told him he could just get it from any local market, but he likes the atmosphere of Marina’s. He said it reminds him of when he and his wife first began dating. Their parents didn’t agree with their pairing, so they would sneak off every week to get a drink together at a bar out of town where no one would recognize them. It’s quiet enough on Tuesday’s that I can sit down and chat with him for a while. He tells me stories about his “prime years” with such a captivating joy that Tuesdays are now the day I look forward to the most.

My eyes catch on the door as Caio walks in followed by Rafael and Leo, I didn’t know that he is still in town. “Evening,gorgeous,” he greets me as they all sit down at the bar stools right in front of me. I smile back at him in return. He’s a shameless flirt.

“Come for the cheap booze huh?” Marina comes up beside me.

“Of course not,” Caio says. “Just to spend some time with the world’s best cousin.”

She rolls her eyes at him before Rafael chimes in. “No, what we really came to see is Nora and Vanessa in action, sounds like we’ve been missing out on all the fun lately.”

The guys giggle to themselves as Marina reaches over the bar and smacks the side of Rafael’s head. “Is that you volunteering to get them home tonight?” She asks.

“No of course not, Luca is on standby,” Rafael says. Marina rolls her eyes before walking off and leaving me to deal with them.

“So…the beers?” Rafael says.

I shake my head before cracking open three beers placing them on the counter in front of them. Rafael has warmed up to me lately, so much so that we almost might be, maybe, friends?

“Thank you,” Caio smiles at me.

“Yeah thanks,” “Thanks Isla.” Rafael and Leo echo after him.

“So how long are you here for Leo?” I ask, I haven’t seen much of him, but from what I’ve heard he’s a solid guy, even if Marina has had to get him out of trouble every now and again.

“As long as you want me to be,cara mia.”

This earns him a sideways glare from Caio that makes me giggle. I get the feeling Leo only acts like that to piss him off. Which he seems to enjoy as a shit eating grin lights up his face before he brings his drink to his lips, doing a terrible job of concealing his amusement.

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