Page 24 of Bound to You

“So, how come you’re here on the other side of the world, in paradise, but you don’t look like that?” Marina points to Mayfloating around the floor. I know what she means—May looks like she doesn’t have a care in the world. I wish I could feel like that now, but uncertainty is gnawing away at me. We’ve been here for a few days now and I can’t help but feel like I’ve made zero progress with the what-am-I-doing-with-my-life subject. I know I have the whole summer, and I don’t expect to have it all figured out in a couple of days, but I just don’t know what I’m doing. I feel like I have no direction.

“I just...I can’t shake the feeling that I’m not on track.”

She sets her tray down, giving me her full attention. “On track for what?”

“I don’t even know anymore.” I can’t figure out how to voice the thoughts that are running through my head at a million miles per hour.

“Can I tell you one thing I learned the hard way?” she asks. I nod. “I don’t think there is a track. Or if there is, it’s one that splits off into five different directions. Sometimes it’s beyond your control which direction you go down, and that can be…terrifying. But sometimes, that’s better than sitting at the junction, trying to figure it all out.”

“I don’t know if I’m capable of flying blind like that, but that’s exactly what I’m doing here.” I huff a laugh.

She smiles. ”Well, if you’re wondering whether you’re capable, there’s your answer. You’re already doing it.”

“Yeah, but it’s like I’m trying so hard to grab onto the steering wheel, but it keeps slipping from my grasp,” I say. “I feel like I just ran away from my life, hoping that somehow being away will solve everything. I guess I’m just trying to figure out what that actually looks like.”

“Well, maybe you don’t have to know. Maybe you should give in to the ride. Isn’t that the fun of it? Look at where you are.” She gestures around us, and I smile.

“Maybe not having it all set out for you is exactly what you need. Maybe this rocky ground is the perfect place for you to find your feet. You came here to have fun, right? To reset? To let go? Then let go!” She grabs my hand and twirls me around. “Let your mind take a back seat and lean into the unknown. Relax for a while and allow yourself the time and grace to do all of that figuring out. In the meantime, this job is yours for as long as you want it. Whether that’s five weeks or five years, but for now,” she grabs the cloth from the bar beside her and chucks it at me, “you have some tables to clean.”

She laughs as she pulls me along with her onto the floor to join May. We jig around as we wipe down tables and deliver drinks to our handful of customers, and I already feel a little bit lighter.

It’s nice having someone other than May to talk to. Someone else that accepts me and my all over the show brain, and maybe she’s right. Maybe I just need to let this trip be whatever it wants to be without forcing myself on the path I think I should be walking, and instead, walk the path that finds me. Isn’t that what they say?

It’s about9:00 p.m. now and the bar has taken on a much livelier vibe as the night has gone on. Vanessa and Nora are still here, but they were cut off from their drinks after their karaoke rendition of Madonna’s “Like a Virgin,” much to Marina’s embarrassment. So now they’re in a booth at the back of the room with a jug of water each, drunkenly giggling away at whatever it is that’s got them so amused.

I’m clearing a table beside them when I hear a “psst.” I look over to see them waving me to their table. I think they’re trying to be subtle, but it’s not really working out for them.

“Soooo…how’s it going?” Vanessa asks.

“Good?” I reply cautiously, knowing full well that’s not why they called me over.

“Wonderful!” Nora claps her hands together with delight at my very basic response. “We just are so happy to see our Caio with someone new,” she adds.

They both look up at me with adoring looks on their faces.

Literal heart eyes.

“Oh, no, I think you’ve got the wrong idea. Caio and I are just friends.” Better set the record straight before these two alert the whole town of a non-existent relationship status.

Vanessa looks at me over the top of her glass as she takes a sip of her water, her eyebrows raised to her hairline in an accusatory manner.

“Just friends, I swear.” I cross my hands over my heart for emphasis.

“I’ve seen the way he looks at you,ragazza mia.He’s basically my son. I know these things.” They giggle like schoolgirls and I’m quickly reminded how drunk they both are.

I knock my knuckles on the table. “Drink up, you two.”

I laugh to myself as I come around the bar to mix up a few orders.

“What?” May inquires.

“Just those two,” I nod in their direction. “Convinced that Caio and I are an item.”

“I mean it’s notthatcrazy of an assumption.” I turn to look at her. “What? It’s not! You know the way he looks at you.”

“What? In the two days he’s known me?”

“Yes,” she answers seriously, and the look on her face suggests she thinks I’m the crazy one for even asking such a question.

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