Page 30 of High Density

“Both my kids lied to me. Did I raise you like that? But you know what the worst part of it is?”

When she turns her face to me, I see rare tears swimming in her eyes. There’s a gut punch.

“What, Ma?” I prompt her gently.

“That you two would feel the need to hide that from us. Have we ever given you reason to believe we wouldn’t accept either of you, just the way you are?”

“No. I know you haven’t.”

“Then why?” She throws her hands in the air as her frustration returns, and with it her temper. “For how long? Since Una went off to college? All those wasted years.”

“You need to talk to her. Not yell, but talk. You are more alike than you know, you two. Go from zero to full blast in a second, and when everyone’s yelling, no one is listening. It’s been like that since she was barely in her teens.”

One fat tear finally manages to escape and rolls unchecked down her face. As much as I want to wipe it away for her, I know it would sting her pride. So like her, I pretend it’s not there.

“She was always spirited,” she muses.

“Still is.”

“Unlike you. You were more like your father. Calm, with a quiet strength. Protective, even as a little boy you were your sister’s keeper.” She turns to face me, and I see anger simmering there. “None of this would’ve been necessary if you’d told me.”

I shake my head.

“No. That wasn’t mine to share, it was Una’s. Don’t try to put this on me. And if you’re doling out the blame, don’t forget to include yourself. You had as many years as Una to work on your relationship, but you were both too stubborn to do anything about it. If you had, perhaps none of this would’ve been necessary either.”

Her lips form a thin line as she presses them together, and I know whatever else I say will fall on deaf ears, so I don’t bother. I leave her standing by the railing and head inside, hoping some of what I’ve said will filter through.

I find Jonas and Pa keeping old Thomas company on the porch. All three of them with a thick cigar between their lips.

“And?” It’s not a surprise Thomas is the one to ask. He rarely holds back. “Did you get the woman under control?”

“Jesus, Dad.” Jonas shakes his head. “Don’t fucking let her hear you say that, or we’re gonna have bigger problems.”

My father doesn’t say a thing, he just looks at me with a steady gaze.

“Had my say,” I volunteer. “And I hope some of it sticks, but it was a lot, so give her a little time.”

I get a set of harrumphs as confirmation and start down the stairs to go back to the barn, but Jonas stops me.

“Aren’t you supposed to be off starting tomorrow?”

“Yeah.”

He jerks his head to the side. “Go. Take off early. It’s quiet anyway.”

“Thanks. I’ll head out after I finish up in the tack room.”

Maybe I can head over to Doc’s place and finish putting in that new subfloor in the bathroom before she comes home.

Janey

“What the fuckare you on about now?”

I swivel around to find John Mackey stalking toward me, thunder on his face. I swear his boots touch the tips of mine as he stops to hover over me. With his bulbous, blue drinker’s nose inches from mine, I can feel the spit hitting my face as he continues yelling at me about my bleeding-heart incompetence. Slapping his dusty hat on his thigh and stomping his foot for emphasis.

I’ve dealt with men like him, bullies looking for the first sign of weakness to pounce on, so I don’t even flinch or blink an eye. Eventually, he runs out of steam when I show no reaction, and that’s when I speak. Calmly.

“Was there some kind of issue, John? I couldn’t quite hear you clearly.”

---