Page 78 of Back in the Saddle

“Love can be so fickle.”

I took her hands to reassure her. “It will be fine. I will be fine.”

She looked at the phone. “Then why hasn’t she called? If she loved you so much, she’d call.”

Was she doing it again,and I was just too stupid to see it? Taylor said she was. I needed to ask Taylor to work through it with me. To talk to me so I could understand it, not just about the jibes, but all of it, including the party. I thought back to the time she arrived until now, slowly putting the pieces together, but not quite believing them.

It couldn’t be true. It was. Wasn’t it?

Fucking hell. I was so desperate for my mother’s love that I hurt the person I loved most in the world. I let Mam hurt the person I love most. I rubbed my face. I was a shit husband.

I opened my eyes. The bed was empty beside me. I couldn’t hear any movement in the ensuite or the rest of the house. This had never happened. Even when we were at our lowest. Yes, she’d come home late, but she’d never left for work this early.

I thought back again to the argument and about how she said she lovedmeand not all the things I do. All my life, until I met Taylor, I did everything I could for my mother and brothers. I guess I thought if I did everything right, Mam would love me. And maybe she’d stay home with us. She didn’t.

As things started falling apart with Taylor, I fell into the same trap. I started doing everything again, taking on more and more. It was what I knew. It’s what young Ciaron knew. It’s how I made sense of the world.

I sighed and swung my legs out of bed. I didn’t understand what was happening. Could we really be imploding this quickly, when things had been so good? But who was I fooling? A week and a half of good wasn’t that great.

By the time I made it to the morning meeting, I had more questions than answers. And I was angry at Taylor for not explaining what she’d meant. And I was angry with myself for not already knowing.

Taylor was sitting up the back. She watched me closely, not smiling.

At the end of the meeting, Rachel stood up and addressed me. “We have all taken a vote. We’ve decided every time you think a sleeping horse is in labour, you need to assist with a flushing.”

The room erupted in cheers. Everyone hated flushing mares—vets and stud hands alike. It could be messy.

I looked towards Taylor in the hope of getting help. Everyone else turned to see her reaction. But she was gone.

30

Taylor

Mum came into my office and sat opposite me. “Isabelle and Callum tell me you were late for dinner.”

I clenched my jaw. “It’s not a fucking crime.”

Mum didn’t bite back. “When I left at 3pm you were ready to leave too. What happened?”

This was bullshit. Why did I have to explain myself? I was a fucking adult. And I hated myself for disappointing my children. That’s what pissed me off the most.

“What did Mary say to you the other night?”

Tears rolled down my cheeks. “She told me Ciaron had lost interest, and her love was more important than mine and she would take him from me, and it was my fault he left.”

“Taylor! Why haven’t you told Ciaron?”

I swallowed the lump in my throat. “Because he will choose her side.” I sobbed. Mum rushed around the desk and hugged me.

“No, he won’t.” She hugged me tighter. “Is this why you’ve never told him how you feel about her?”

I nodded. Mum held me while I cried. “I did last night. But he can’t see that she’s a shitty person.” I took in gulps of air. “He didn’t believe me.”

Mum smoothed my hair down and muttered, “That man. I’m going to kill him.” She stepped away and took a big sigh, composing herself. “OK, tell me how that conversation went. Were you calm? Did you point out things to help him see?”

“No. I yelled.”

“You need totalkto Ciaron. Face your fear.”

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