Page 75 of Back in the Saddle

Ciaron inserted two fingers, finding the spot again. I planted my palms flat on the mattress. He groaned, sending vibrations through me. My hips tilted and Ciaron set his own rhythm with his tongue and lips. I squeezed around his fingers and cried out. My legs shook and Ciaran didn’t stop until I lowered my hips.

The rest of my body was still tense. Ciaron kissed his way up to my mouth. His tongue repeating what it’d done between my legs. Another tremble ran through me.

He pulled away and grinned. “I think you forgot the-children-are-home sex voice.”

“Again. Maybe you should remind me next time.”

“I was kind of busy.”

“Mmm.”

He laughed. “As much as I’d rather stay here, they will be expecting us at the morning meeting.”

I sighed. “I suppose.”

I rolled out of bed and headed to the shower. It needed to be a quick one, so we weren’t late. Ciaron obviously thought about being late too, because he didn’t follow me.

Ciaron had headed homemid-morning to spend the rest of the day with Mary and the kids. As much as I wanted to keep him to myself, it would be selfish not to let him spend time with his mam.

I hated to think about what she was saying to him. She’d said he’d lost interest in me. But his performance in bed this morning said the opposite. I’d told myself early into the relationship repair that it couldn’t just be about sex. It wasn’t.

Was it?

What was wrong with me? Why was I doubting everything? I’d let Mary get into my head.

When I got home at lunchtime, Mary and Ciaron were deep in conversation. When she caught my eye, she smiled. I tried not to overreact or overthink; they were only talking. People do it every day. Instead of joining them, I started to make lunch. When Ciaron came to help me, she moved onto the kids who were engrossed in their phones.

Even during lunch she would draw Ciaron’s attention, talking to him quietly so I couldn’t hear. What pissed me off was that he didn’t even notice how hurt I was.

Now, I was sitting at my desk, avoiding going home. Because work was safer. And here I knew I was good enough. At home, I knew I wasn’t. And this had been the problem for a long time. As the silence and isolation increased at home, I’d spent more time in my safe place. Textbook avoidance.

I stood up and shoved my chair back. I wouldn’t give Mary the satisfaction of being right. I could change. I could be better. I had already. Why was I letting her get into my head? I was doingthe best I could. Surely, Ciaron recognised that. He hadn’t said so, but things were much better between us.

29

Ciaron

Taylor walked in as we were sitting down to dinner.

“Sorry I’m late,” she mumbled as she sat down beside me.

The kids sat opposite, stone-faced. I’m sure they were thinking the same thing I was. We wanted to believe she’d changed, but she’d let us down. And this was the second time in a few days she’d done it. She was slipping back into old habits. We started eating in silence.

“Did another owner come in today, Taylor?” Mam said.

Taylor stiffened beside me. “No, Mary. I had a lot of work to do.”

“Yes, I’m sure working in a business like this is hard. Maybe Ciaron can give you some pointers.”

Taylor didn’t acknowledge the statement. She stared down at her plate like it would tell her some deep, dark secret.

“I had a wonderful afternoon with Ciaron, Callum and Isabelle. It will be so sad when I leave. I wish I could see them more often.” She cupped my face.

“You have a passport now,” I said. “You can visit again.”

“I’m not as young as I used to be. I won’t be able to do these long trips for much longer.” She sighed.

I laughed. “You’re not that old.”

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