Page 73 of Back in the Saddle

“At the moment, we are in a good place.”

“Ciaron, stop being so cryptic.”

“I don’t know. She spent a lot of time at work yesterday and that made me doubt how far we’ve come.”

“From what I see, you’ve both come a long way. You seem to have a deeper appreciation of each other.”

I smiled. “We’ve been trying very hard.”

“And Taylor has been home more and is sharing tasks at home, so the weight is more even,” she said.

“Yes. Because she’s home for dinner every night, she does the dishes so I’m not cookinganddoing the dishes. And she’s been doing cleaning and laundry.”

“All I can see are positives.”

I nodded. She was right. All of it meant she was spending time with us as a family. I had no reason to doubt Taylor’s love or dedication.

“What about you, Ciaron? What have you changed?”

I wasn’t sure that I’d changed anything at all. And that was a problem. “I told her that in the end I resented her because I was doing so much, so I started leaving the decision making to her.”

But that wasn’t nearly enough. A few hard conversations weren’t all that was needed from me. I needed her to know she had my full support. I needed to make sure she wasn’t feeling alone in our marriage or the business. I needed her to know that she was appreciated. Fuck, I was an idiot. Why was I leaving everything up to her?

I counted the bags and put them in date order.

“So, you’re communicating better?”

“Yes.”

Lorraine gazed at me over the plastic bags of milk. “Taylor seemed upset after talking with your mam at the party. What was that about?”

I cocked my head. “Mam said she told Taylor how happy she was for us.”

Lorraine shrugged. “It didn’t look like that from where I was standing.”

I thought about what Lorraine had said while we finished checking. Mam had been smiling a lot when Callum and I got back with the pizzas. Taylor not so much. Mam had said they’d spoken about her being happy for us. But now I wondered what Taylor’s quick reply and the way she wouldn’t make eye contact really meant.

“You’re right. I shouldn’t have accepted that answer.”

Lorraine nodded. “You need to learn to speak up more.”

I ran a hand over my face. “I thought I had been.”

Fuck.

I started handing the bags back to her, newest first, so they could go on the bottom.

“I don’t think it’s just about me speaking up. I think I need to question more and not accept answers on their face value.”

Part of our problem was that I didn’t question enough. I let things slide until they became problems the size of Clydesdales.

We finished packing the freezer. “Thanks for your help. I’m going to head off now.”

“Have a good day with your mam and the kids.”

“Thanks.”

I walked out and called Taylor to let her know I’d finished for the day. When she told me to have fun, she seemed less sincere than normal. Her relationship with Mam had always been strained. I thought it was just typical mother-in-law, daughter-in-law behaviour. I thought Mam had improved after I spoke to her about her comments. But it didn’t seem to change Taylor’s attitude.

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