Page 45 of Back in the Saddle

“Aye. Tell me everything. How is school? What are you studying? How are your horses?”

They sat down beside each other on the couch. I made some coffees and hot chocolate and sat down opposite them. I had to give Taylor credit; she may not have gotten on that well with Mam, but she never did anything to change the kids’ perception. She let them have the relationship they needed with her.

“Where’s Taylor?” Mam asked.

Isabelle looked down at her feet. It wasn’t only me Taylor had to prove herself to. Mam glanced at her sideways.

“She’ll be here soon. She’s gone to see if Lorraine can help tomorrow so the kids and I can spend the day with you.”

Mam beamed. Isabelle lifted her eyes, and I gave her a reassuring smile. As we talked, I glanced at my watch. Taylor was later than I expected. Perhaps she’d got caught up at work. It wouldn’t be the first time. When I heard her car pull up and her laughing with Lorraine, my shoulders relaxed. Isabelle was the same. She had been listening and waiting the whole time.

Taylor and Lorraine walked in. Lorraine went to the kitchen with a casserole dish. “We’ve made dinner.”

That explained Taylor’s delayed return. I stood and led the way to the dining table. As Taylor sat beside me, I wanted to lean over to give her a kiss but I restrained myself. I couldn’t let the kids see it yet. They watched us all through dinner and spoke quietly together at times. I didn’t know if that was because they were seeing changes in Taylor and me and the way we interacted, or they were planning another surprise they shouldn’t be.

Mam was yawning by the end of dinner. I drove her and Lorraine home. I was tired too, but at the same time I was anxious about the conversation I needed to have with Taylor. I had no idea how she was going to react. This would be another conversation we’d have in the safety of darkness.

I hopped into bed and stared up at the ceiling. “Mam was excited that I’m spending the day with her tomorrow. Thank you.”

Taylor turned her face to me. “You’re welcome.”

I continued to stare at the ceiling. Moonlight filtered in around the curtains, so it wasn’t pitch black. I took a deep breath in and out. I didn’t know where to start.

“Thank you for coming home early.”

“That’s what spending more time with you all means.”

Was she being flippant?

“When we were waiting for you, Mam asked where you were, and Isabelle didn’t know what to say.”

Taylor was still facing me in the darkness. “What did you say?”

“That you were rearranging your day for tomorrow.” I closed my eyes. This wasn’t what I was expecting. This shouldn’t be about what I’d said, but about how the kids were feeling. I needed to get that message across. “I think maybe you shouldspeak to the kids. Tell them that you’re going to start trying to spend more time at home.”

“OK.” The word was drawn out. I couldn’t tell if she was considering what I said or if she was being defensive. “I guess that’s a good idea.”

That was positive.

I didn’t know how long it was going to take for us to get back to a place of talking without fear. From the day we’d met, we’d spoken so openly. We’d never hedged our words, but as we’d drifted apart, the words became harder to say. I thought marriage was supposed to take those barriers away. It probably did for most people.

I relaxed a little. “I think it will help them see that you’re making an effort.” Shit, did that sound bad? Might as well get the rest out in the open: be brave. “It might be a good idea not to tell them we are trying to work things out. I don’t want to raise their expectations or confuse them.”

She stiffened. “Don’t you think we can?”

Of course, I did. But one mind-blowing kiss wasn’t going to miraculously fix things, nor were promises we made to each other. We’d made those same promises twenty-two years ago and then we’d fallen apart.

“I think we should take our time,” I said. “We didn’t get to where we are overnight. We don’t need the extra pressure of their expectations.”

“So you think we can?” Her voice was small, uncertain. A tone I hadn’t heard since the day we’d met.

I reached out and grabbed her hand. I faced her then so she could see my truth. “Nothing would make me happier.”

She smiled. “I love you, Ciaron. I never stopped. I just forgot to show it.”

And that wasn’t entirely on her.

“Me too. We can do this Taylor. Together we can do anything.”

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