Page 43 of Back in the Saddle

“That concludes our meeting,” Ciaron said. “Thanks for your time. My wife will not be sharing any more secrets today.”

Wife—my heart raced at that word. He’d called me his wife.

“There’s always tomorrow,” Rachel said, giving me a high five before making her way out the door.

“I never knew so much could go wrong,” Mary said.

“That’s why Ciaron and I need to work during breeding season,” I said. “Some of these horses are worth hundreds of thousands of dollars. We are the most experienced people on staff.”

Ciaron had come to stand beside us. He rested his hand on the back of my neck sending tingles through me. I leant towards him so I could have more contact.

“Not only that,” Ciaron said, “but this is our business. We are ultimately responsible for every life on this farm,”

Wewere ultimately responsible. We. It appeared I’d been the only one to forget that.

15

Ciaron

Iturned off my computer and stood up. The kids would be home soon, and I was looking forward to spending time with them and Mam. Taylor came into my office and sat in one of the chairs. Her palms lay flat on top of her thighs. What was she about to tell me? I clenched my jaw and sat back down.

“I was thinking.” Taylor paused and looked at the ceiling before returning her gaze to me.

Whatever she was thinking must have been hard for her. My shoulders tensed as I waited.

“Maybe we don’t need to be on call every night this season. Maybe we can share with Rachel. It’s time she had more responsibility. She has earned it and I trust her. Being on call and call outs during the season are part of her management contract. We should start utilising it.” It all came rushing out like she wanted to say it before she could take it back.

I opened my mouth.

“I know it sort of goes against what I said to your mam about us needing to be here. But, we will still be here; we live here.Rachel can call us if she needs to. But we don’t need to be first people the night watch call. We can do week on/week off with her.” She stopped talking and stared at me, her brown eyes wide. Had she really said that? All of that? I waited to make sure she was finished.

“You’ve never wanted to relinquish control before,” I said.

“I know,” she said quietly.

“So what’s changed?”

“A lot. Everything. I don’t want to lose you, Ciaron.”

I took a deep breath in. Was that the only reason? It was a good one from my selfish point of view, but fear wasn’t a sustainable reason.

I shifted in my seat. “OK”

“We can’t continue this way, Ciaron. Not you, me or the kids. I miss so much time with you all, I may as well not even be part of the family.” She sighed. “Like Callum. He hasn’t been riding lately. This morning I noticed his bike sitting near the shed.”

“It’s broken. Vet Dan said he will try to help me fix it. His son is a bike mechanic.”

“I should know these things,” she said.

These were the words I’d wanted to hear for so long. But could she actually do it? Change her whole way of being?

“Rachel has worked hard for this. It’s not fair to hold her back.” She paused. Was she waiting for me to say I told you so? I had no words. And if I did, they wouldn’t be the ones I’d choose.

She moved forward in her chair, her eyes searching my face. “I know you’ve been telling me this for years. I’m sorry I didn’t listen.”

I nodded. I needed to be honest with her now that she was listening. How could we work through things if we hid our thoughts and feelings? And that’s one thing I needed to change. I needed to be braver and speak my mind. I had, for many years Ihad. And then as the drought set in and Taylor started spending less time with us, I felt like I’d lost my voice.

I stood and moved around to the front of the desk and sat on the edge. “I’m worried that you’re saying all of this because my mother is here. That it won’t last in the long term.”

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