Page 41 of Back in the Saddle

“She has more room than us,” I said. “She lives here on the farm. It’s only a five-minute walk from our house.”

A frown settled on her face. Ciaron shifted beside me. Shit. I’d overstepped the mark again. Mum had told me I needed to stop doing this. I should have spoken to Ciaron about it first.

Ciaron nodded. “It will be much better than staying with us. We get up early for work.”

Mary’s frown deepened. “You’re going to work while I’m here?”

My stomach tightened. She was disappointed, and Ciaron and the children would be too. We’d need to figure something out. We should have discussed it days ago but I’d never thought about it. That was selfish of me.

“Not all the time,” Ciaron said. “But breeding season is the busiest time of year for us. There are some days we can’t avoid work.”

Mum stepped forward and rested her hand on Mary’s arm. “I’ll bring you to the afternoon meeting. Then you will see what Ciaron means.”

Ciaran nodded. “Great idea. We’ll meet you at your place for lunch in a few minutes.”

We watched them walk out, and then I followed Ciaron into his office. I needed to own what I’d done.

“I’m sorry I didn’t discuss where your mum was going to stay. If you want her to stay with us, I can say we changed our mind.”

Ciaron shook his head. “I think the separation is good.” He gave me a wistful smile. “I’ve become closer to Mam since moving here. I’ve gained perspective on how broken she was. You helped with that.”

I didn’t dare tell him that I thought she still was. I could be overreacting, but I didn’t think so. I think she was still the horrible person she always was but could hide it better thousands of kilometres away.

He came and stood in front of me. “I’m scared if I get too close…I don’t know…maybe…I’ll realise she chose to be that way because she doesn’t love me.”

The breath was sucked out of me. I reached out and took his hands, thoughts slamming into every corner of my brain. Ineeded to show him that he was loved. I needed him to see that he was valued. I needed him to know that his worth was not dependent on her. My every thought focused on mending his heart. The one I’d broken.

“Ilove you, Ciaron. I choose to be a different person. I promise I will try to be the wife you deserve.”

They were big words. I knew that. I needed him to believe they were as true as my heart knew them to be. Nothing mattered more than that, not my pride, not my fear.

And I would…I would try my hardest. And I would prove it…as long as Mary didn’t interfere. As long as we had the space to heal, and she didn’t infect us with her poison.

I waited for his reaction. Everything inside me begged for him to believe me.

He pulled me closer, his eyes locked on mine. “Thank you.” He kissed me gently and my lips tingled. “Not just for your promise, but for your support as well.”

My heart lifted. I knew they were only words we’d shared, but they were the most heartfelt words we’d said to each other in a long time. We had always been stronger together and now it was time to prove we still were.

And…he kissed me! He freaking kissed me. Those gentle lips were on mine for a mere moment, and I wanted to cheer for the whole world to hear.

Ciaron stoodat the front of the meeting room, remote control in hand. He commanded the room, by presence alone, as a good leader should. Everyone on the farm, whether they were horse staff or not, sat at the tables and faced him. Mary and Mum sat beside me at the back of the room.

“Thanks everyone for coming. We’re going to watch a short video now. For those of you who don’t deal with the horses day to day, or haven’t been involved in breeding, this will show you signs to look out for. For everyone else, this is a refresher. If you think you see something like this or if a horse is acting strange, put a call over the two-way and one of the horse staff will attend.”

I leant towards Mary. “The video was Ciaron’s idea. Over the years it’s saved many lives.”

Mum nodded. “We can tell staff what to expect but showing them like this is even better.”

We watched the start of the video which showed us how to tell if a horse was getting close to foaling.

“OK,” Ciaron said. “Can someone tell me one of the signs?”

“Bagging up,” someone called out.

“Right, the udder becomes larger,” Ciaron said. “Anyone else?”

“Waxing up, the teats look waxy.”

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