Page 40 of Back in the Saddle

My hand stilledas I exploded in it, thinking about her loud cry. I grunted as I emptied myself out. I stood straight and let the water cleanse me before turning the shower off. The timer filtered its last grains of sand into the bottom glass as I glanced at it. Ha. Good timing.

As I dried myself, I realised my mistake. Pleasuring myself with my hand wasn’t it. The fact that I’d left my PJs in our bedroom was. Now I’d have to go back there in nothing but a towel and get dressed in front of Taylor. Even as I walked down the hallway, and the cold air prickled my skin I felt nothing but heat rush through my body. This was ridiculous. We were still married, being naked in front of each other was natural. Except now it was anything but.

I opened the door and scanned the room. Taylor was in bed, looking at her phone. I traipsed to the bed, letting the towel drop when I got there. How would she react to my brazenness? Taylor stiffened and her eyes widened, but she didn’t move her head or eyes in my direction. She didn’t move them away either. I don’t know if I could have been that nonchalant if she was naked near me.

I got dressed into my PJs and slid into bed beside her. Her warmth radiated towards me. She was so close but untouchable. Memories of our first time together flooded my mind, and my whole body ached with want, with need. I wished I could holdher like I had afterwards. If I hadn’t already been in love with her before we’d had sex, I certainly was after.

Would sex even kill the tension between us? My fingers twitched, wanting to reach for her, to touch her, feel her succumb to that touch. Every inch between us felt like another mile in a horse race. The finish post stretching further away even though it was within reach.

Taylor put her phone away and turned off the lamp. “Goodnight, Ciaron.”

I swallowed the lump in my throat. “Goodnight.”

And there went another night without any intimacy. We weren’t ready for that. My brain understood, but my heart wanted it so bad. My skin craved her touch. But we still had issues to work through, and we had to prove ourselves to each other. It wouldn’t be as easy as facing her father this time.

I lay on my back and closed my eyes, listening to her soft breathing. I’d promised the rest of our lives. And I still wanted it. Time to work a little harder on forgiveness and acceptance and loving the shit out of her. And figuring out my part in this mess.

14

Taylor

Mum pulled into the carpark at the office with Mary in the passenger seat. Show time. I stood and walked out into the reception area. Ciaron came out of his office and stood beside me. I gave his hand a squeeze.

I heard Mary and her strong Irish accent before she even entered the building. Taking a deep breath, I plastered a smile on my face. I would be pleasant, like always, but there was no way she was stealing my husband away or creating a rift bigger than we ourselves had caused. I held on tight to Ciaron’s hand.

Mum led the way into the office and moved to the side for Mary. She’d aged since we’d last seen her in person years ago. The lines on her face were deeper and her frown more prominent. Was her heavy makeup an attempt to cover them up? Was her bright lipstick an attempt to draw our attention away from the lines around her mouth? Her lips were fuller than I remembered. Lip filler maybe? Her light brown hair dye with blonde highlights, was probably an attempt to look more youthful. It covered her grey perfectly.

Mum and I looked plain in comparison.

As soon as she spotted Ciaron, a smile erupted on her face. She made a beeline for him. He met her halfway and was nearly knocked over by her energy. She saved him by wrapping her arms around him.

If it was anyone else, I would have relished the joy. But I’d always struggled with Mary. I really needed to let it go. Ciaron didn’t let his past bother him and neither should I. Maybe it was because she was always trying to undermine our relationship, or maybe I was jealous, but that didn’t make sense because he’d chosen me over her.

She stepped away and cupped his cheek. “You look tired.”

“It’s been a long year.”

The drought and our separation had taken its toll on him. Meaning I had taken my toll on him.

“We are only halfway through,” she said.

I stepped forward to save Ciaron from receiving the third degree. “Hi, Mary.”

She pulled me into a hug. “Taylor.”

“How was your flight?” I asked as she let me go.

“Good. Good. Long.”

“You must be tired. How about we have an early lunch and then you can rest and settle in before the kids get home?”

“Aye.”

“You’ll be staying with Mum.”

Mary’s eyes narrowed, she glanced at Ciaron.

Maybe I should have lessened the blow instead of throwing it out there.

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