Page 12 of Back in the Saddle

The fun banter didn’t stop all the way to the restaurant and while we waited for our food. I was grateful. Because every time there was a lull in the conversation, I thought about the argument with Taylor and what she’d accused me of.

“What are you doing in science next semester?” I asked Callum.

“Genetics.”

Isabelle laughed. “You and Mum can be mad scientists together.”

I grinned at Isabelle. “It would be a horse-dirt bike mashup.”

She spoke directly to me like Taylor and Callum weren’t even there. “Maybe a self-washing one. Then we won’t have to listen to them complain about how dirty it is.”

“And it would do roll backs, go at the exact right speed and jump on command,” I added.

“My bike does that,” Callum said.

“Myrtle does that,” Taylor said.

Myrtle, Taylor’s horse, did nothing on command. The kids and I laughed so hard tears were running down Isabelle’s face. Taylor sat there stone faced.

I tried to compose myself. “Only if you don’t tell her to,” I managed to say between gulps of air.

“She has personality,” Taylor stated.

“She’s as stubborn as a mule,” I said.

Isabelle said, “Don’t animals take after their owners?”

The kids and I looked at each other and started a fresh round of laughter. Taylor’s lips quirked. “Laugh as much as you want. But we all know Myrtle would beat your dad’s horse any day.”

This. This is what I missed. Us enjoying our company—talking and laughing together as a family. But even though I was enjoying this time together, it didn’t matter. What had happened earlier proved that we were beyond repair. Taylor accusing me of cheating was a low blow. I would never cheat.

My father had been in and out of jail since I was a kid and had cheated on my mother the whole time. And she on him. To say that to me…to accuse me of that…my chest ached as another piece of my heart was destroyed. Taylor, my once in a lifetime love, no longer loved me.

She knew I never wanted to be anything like my parents. They didn’t even know the meaning of faithful. I’d never looked at another woman after I’d met Taylor. I didn’t need to; she was all I wanted, all I needed.

My stomach was as heavy as lead. Twenty-two years of our lives together and she didn’t even know me. Either that or she’d said it to hurt me. May as well give me lead boots to go with that lead in my stomach.

I inhaled slowly to calm my nerves. I guess I’d had this sliver of hope up until that moment. Fucking hell. I’d even thought about our first kiss after our lips touched in the corridor. But no more. I lay my hands on top of my thighs to stop the shaking. Hearts break every day and people get over it. I would too, in time.

As we ate, Isabelle and Callum were having some secret conversation. They’d been doing that a lot lately. Is that something kids learnt to do when their parents separated? Perhaps it was a coping mechanism as they learnt to trust what their new life was becoming. Maybe they took solace in each other.

Isabelle showed Callum her phone. He smirked.

“Is there something you’d like to share with us?” I asked.

“You’ll find out soon enough,” Isabelle said.

I did not like the sound of that. Their coping mechanism better not extend to causing some sort of trouble as they pitted themselves against us. I was not in the mood for some kid-made war. I had enough trouble keeping my feelings straight where their mother was concerned. The roller coaster of feelings didn’t stop once you said enough and broke up. I didn’t know if it was ever going to stop.

I’d heard people say that you were finally ready to move on once you had no feelings left for your ex-partner. Those feelings could be hurt, anger, love, whatever. The feelings were exhausting. How much longer would I have them now that I knew there was no hope?

6

Taylor

Laughter filtered in through my office door. Ciaron and the woman he’d hired from Ireland were joking about something. Words were spoken in English and Irish.

“It only rains twice a week inÉirinn,” Ciaron said.

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