Page 39 of Rediscovering Rubi

“The first time I had to tell my wife, Micah, that I needed some aftercare… that was fucking tough,” Arrow said. “But I realized if I didn’t allow myself to do that, I was sort of ripping her off, denying her that part of the experience. That part of myself. It was humbling. But worth it. It brought us closer than ever.”

“I know that’s what I have to do. Your workshop really clarified that for me. And this conversation even more.”

“Glad to help,” Arrow said. “So, anyone hungry? I think that’s our food on the way over here.”

“I let Sadie talk me into having cupcakes for breakfast, and my blood sugar crashed into the ground, so I’m starving,” Derek said with a grin.

While they ate, Logan and Arrow exchanged some stories from their time in the military. They talked about the dedication to their service, as well as how much of their life it sucked up, often leaving too little time and energy for the people they cared about, and how that made them feel.

Although Logan had talked to his Air Force friends about this stuff, it was helpful to know how this affected his kink dynamic, because as intense as kink was, it made every emotional aspect more intense, too. By the end of their lunch, he felt a lot more prepared to face some of the harder things he’d been stuffing down for so many years, and although he planned to get back into therapy once they got home, he knew he had to approach some of it while they were at the Ranch.

After lunch was over, he found Rubi, and they went on an afternoon trail ride. It felt good to get back on a horse after so many years. Riding was something they’d once enjoyed doing with the kids, and they were both pretty good riders. The Montana countryside was beautiful and serene, the snow making everything so silent and utterly peaceful, and they both loved it. He realized they needed to get out anddomore, that life couldn’t be all about fixing things around the house, or taking the car in for an oil change, or paying bills. They needed to have fun together again, and he considered maybe even looking into buying their own horses.

Once they got back to the room, Rubi laid down for a nap. Logan decided to take Arrow’s advice while his wife rested and did some journaling, trying to begin to dissect his very complex feelings. He felt better after, lighter, and he was excited about the evening they had planned.

An hour or so later Rubi got up, and they had dinner in their room before showering together, then getting ready for the Dungeon.

They went back to the room with the mirrors. Logan loved the way Rubi had responded in there, and seeing their reflection as he played her had been so damn hot. Tonight, it might also be revealing. He felt some nervous anticipation, but he had to start putting what he’d learned into action. No time like the present.

The lights were low, and his beautiful wife was dressed in a dark green silk chemise, the lace hem skimming her thighs. He was eager to get his hands on her, but there was some important business to take care of first.

“Baby, come sit in this chair; I want to talk for a minute.”

She nodded, and he knew she was already slipping into subspace. Maybe they should have had this conversation before leaving their suite, he realized. But it needed to happen before the night’s scene started.

She sat in the chair and he sat on the ottoman in front of her, taking her hands in his.

“We’re going to do a little renegotiating. Is there anything you need from me that we haven’t discussed before? Has anything changed for you since the last time we played, or the last time we went over negotiations?”

“The only things that have changed are me feeling a whole lot better about myself, and about us. I’m also realizing I can take more physically than I thought I could after all these years. And I hit subspace so easily, which surprised me.”

“Me, too, baby. And that’s all really good.”

She arched an eyebrow. “But…?”

“But I need to negotiate some stuff. For myself.”

“Oh.” She was surprised, but he’d expected that. “Of course, babe. What do you need from me? Am I… am I not pleasing you in some way? Is there something I could do better?”

“Ah, no, baby. You’ve been amazing in every way, I promise. This is on me. Because there’s some stuff I haven’t talked to you about.”

“I thought there might be,” she said, and he noticed the shift in her posture, in her eyes. There was concern there, and he could see she’d pulled herself out of her dreamy subspace and right into nurturing mode. “Was it something triggered by the class we went to?”

“Not triggered, but it definitely touched on a few things I needed to face head-on. And I talked to Arrow and Derek about it at lunch today, which clarified a few things. A lot, actually. They were a big help. I didn’t reveal anything about you, though, Rubi. I wouldn’t do that without talking to you about it first.”

“I’m not worried about that. They’re sort of mentoring you right now, and everyone here is kinky, so it’s not as if you’d be exposing some big secret about me. But I’m more concerned about you right now. Please tell me what you’re worried about, Logan.”

“I’m not worried, exactly. I’m just trying to be more realistic about where my head is at, where my limits are, what my needs are.”

“That’s good, babe. And, if I may say so, it’s about time,” she said with a reassuring smile. “So, tell me.”

He took a deep breath, then blew it out. This was the hard part, admitting this out loud to his submissive.

“I need to negotiate aftercare. For me.”

To his surprise, Rubi threw her arms around his neck and held on tight.

“Oh, babe. That’s great!” she said. “I mean, not that you have a need that hasn’t been filled, but that you got to a place where you could tell me. Thank you. Thank you for trusting me.”

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