Page 24 of Rediscovering Rubi

“Yes, of course.”

Over the next twenty minutes or so she gave Catherine an overview of their life together: meeting and marrying young, Logan’s time in the Air Force, her feelings as a military wife being left at home to handle their life and their children. And with a bit of assurance from Catherine that this was a safe place to discuss anything and everything, Rubi told her about their experience with kink, and where they were at now in their relationship.

“A lot of couples book time here at the Ranch to come together after a difficult situation, or the drifting apart that can happen so naturally when our lives get busy,” Catherine told her. “But you seem very open and willing to do that. Is there something else you wanted to talk about?”

“I… well, yes. I’m having a lot of trouble feeling… attractive these days. My body has changed so much. I know we all get older, and beauty fades, but my husband still looks every bit as good as he did at thirty-five. Better than he did at twenty-five.”

Catherine let out a low chuckle, but it didn’t make her feel judged at all.

“Men do seem to age differently than we do, and it’s not fair, is it?”

“Not at all!”

“They get everything—they even get to pee standing up,” Catherine said with a grin, making Rubi laugh.

“But you know, it’s not the unfairness, although I’m very much aware of it. It’s the comparison. Why would this sexy, incredibly fit guy who, at fifty, is really in his prime, find my worn out mom body attractive?”

“A lot of men find the women they love even more beautiful after bearing their children. There’s so much emotion attached to that enormous commitment you made to your lives together, to creating a family with him.”

“Logan has said pretty much the same thing.”

“Why do you think you don’t believe him?” Catherine asked gently.

Rubi shrugged. “I guess because I know what I see in the mirror.”

“And you believe what you see is more accurate than the way he sees you?”

“It’s right in front of me,” Rubi protested. “I can hardly argue with that.”

“I’m sure you’ve heard the term seeing through rose-colored glasses? What if what you see is through glasses that are tinted by your own self-doubts, skewing your perception of that reflection?”

That hit her like a small punch to the gut. Could it be true? “I guess… I guess there could be some validity to that.”

“Rubi, none of us are perfect. We each have something we don’t like about ourselves. And you’re also currently facing being an empty nester, which usually leads to a bit of an identity crisis. It’s a rough transition for most parents, and that crisis of self can bring up a whole host of doubts and insecurities. Yes, our bodies change as we get older, but different doesn’t necessarily mean less than. It’s simplydifferent. Does that make sense?”

Rubi nodded. “It does. Although it may take a little time to really sink in.”

“That’s okay. Dealing with this stuff is a process, not a single event. And I believe part of that process is confiding in your husband how you’re feeling so he understands what’s been holding you back. Do you feel like you can do that? Do you feel that he’ll really hear you in a way that won’t make you feel judged?”

“I do. He’s very good at that. And to be honest, I need to give him more credit than I’ve been giving him. Even the fact that he found this place, that he suggested we come here to work on things while I was just walking around feeling lost.”

“That’s great. Well, not the part where you’re blaming yourself, so maybe try to let that go and forgive yourself. Because you did nothing wrong by not knowing the Ranch existed. So, how about we leave the session with a sort of little mantra to help you through the rough moments?” Catherine suggested.

“I think I’d like that.”

“Good. Okay. The next time you find yourself spiraling into those thoughts of not being young enough or pretty enough, or good enough in any way, remind yourself that your husband doesn’t lie to you. And if he says you’re beautiful through his eyes, then that’s his truth, and you can depend on it.”

“Ah, so, like he sees me through his own rose-colored glasses?”

“Yes, exactly. Through eyes tinted by a deep and abiding love.”

Rubi felt herself break into a wide smile. “I like that idea.”

“It’s more than an idea. It’s the simple truth.”

Catherine ended the session with a promise to be available again should Rubi need her, and as Rubi left her office, she felt so much better.

Through eyes tinted with love.

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