Page 59 of The Forbidden Trio

“Celine… it’s so awful,” she moaned, the ache in her chest cutting her like a knife.

“I know. I know it is. Come on. Let’s sit down.” Celine took her to the couch and sat with her, holding her hand. “Sweetie, Jaden and I have been talking all morning, and he’s told me a few things I think you should hear.”

She sniffed. “What would Jaden know?”

“A lot, apparently. He is one of Cole’s closest friends. He’s been through it all with him. And this morning someone told him about your run-in with that guy Ken—and honey, before you say anything, I understand completely how you must have felt seeing drugs at the party.”

“Do you, Celine? Because I don’t know if anyone who hasn’t been there could possibly know how I feel. How lonely it was being left by myself all those nights, knowing he was out there doing stupid things—dangerous things. I never knew from one night to the next if I’d get some call telling me he was dead. Do you have any idea what that’s like?” she demanded, the tears pouring unheeded down her cheeks.

Celine nodded slowly. “Yes, I do.” She paused, took in a breath. “Do you remember what I told you about my accident when I was twelve?” Janie nodded warily. “Well, I left out a few details. But the one you need to know is that by the time I was thirteen years old, I was addicted to painkillers.”

“Jesus, Celine.”

“I know. I’m sorry I kept it from you, but given what you’d gone through with Cole, I wasn’t sure that… forgive me, honey, but I wasn’t sure you wouldn’t judge me.”

She shook her head. “No. Maybe I would have. It’s a sore spot for me.”

“I understand. I do. But I’m telling you now because I’ve been clean since I was sixteen— for seventeen years—and you need to know that it’spossible. Especially when you have something to live for. For me, it was my mom getting sick. She needed me.”

“Cole won’t stay clean because I need him to. He didn’t before. And Celine… always in the back of my mind is the fact that…” she had to stop, a sob escaping her tight throat, nearly choking her, “…he didn’t keep Sonny clean. He didn’t keep him from dying. If he’d onlytried…”

“But he did. Jaden told me everything Cole is too damn proud to tell you. He did try, over and over again. He took Sonny to Narcotics Anonymous meetings. He stripped his apartment of drugs, threatened to kick him out of the band.”

She wiped her nose with the sleeve of her hoodie. “Which he eventually did, and maybe that was what put Sonny over the edge. I can’t help but think about that.”

“Janie, you know that’s not fair,” Celine said quietly. “We addicts only put ourselves over the edge. Did Cole ever tell you he paid to get Sonny into rehab three times? The best facilities in the country—here, Colorado, Arizona. It simply didn’t stick, and only Sonny will ever really know why.”

The information was filtering through her sleep-deprived and grieving brain a little at a time.

“Why did Cole never tell me any of this? He knew how torn up I was.”

“Because he didn’t want to blow his own horn. He’s a proud man. Well, he’s a man. And that’s my sexist remark for the day.”

There were new tears, but Janie could almost smile through them. “I’ve been such an idiot.

And not in the way I thought I’d been, if that even makes sense.”

“As long as it makes sense to you.”

It did. Suddenly, it all did. It hadn’t been her fault when Cole didn’t stop drinking and using. It wasn’t Cole’s fault that Sonny wasn’t willing to save himself. Colehad. He’d been so strong. He’d learned from his mistakes, changed his life, lived for six years with the challenges of the music industry… and she still hadn’t trusted him. She’d been so busy waiting for the other shoe to drop that she hadn’t waited for the facts before finding him guilty.

The man she loved deserved better, and so did she.

“I need to see him.” She stood up. “I need to see him and find out if he’ll even forgive me.”

“I was hoping you’d say that. But first, you need a long shower and a little makeup. If you’re going to apologize to the man whose heart you’ve broken twice, sweetie, you’d better look damn hot doing it.”

Cole laid his head down on the piano keys with a discordant clang. He’d been trying to write this damn song all afternoon, but he was too fuzzy-headed from too little sleep and too much emotion to manage anything more than some scattered lyrics. When he heard the door open, he looked up and was shocked to find Janie standing there. Naked. “What the…?”

“Cole, I’m sorry. I don’t know what else to say except that.” She paused, bit her lip. “Actually, I have a lot to say, but you know I get confused when I’m overwhelmed and I babble and I… I’m pretty overwhelmed right now.”

Grief and anger flooded his body, making him feel weak all over. He didn’t like it. Not one bit.

“You left,” he said woodenly.

“I know.” Her brow creased, and he saw tears sheen her eyes. “I know I did and it was wrong of me. I should have talked to you. I should have trusted you. That’s what it all comes down to. I should have trusted you.” She took one step forward, then stopped, seeming to think better of it. “I should have trustedus. I thought I did, but when it came down to it, I got scared. At the first sign of trouble, I ran. And I’m sorry, Cole. I really am.”

“I was outside calling my sponsor when you left. Because these parties can be hard for me sometimes. Not that I was in a bad place at that moment, but it’s something I do regularly, that my sponsor and I have agreed on. I’m still healing in places. I feel strong, but it’s a process. I check in with him at every party, at every show. I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want you to worry that the party was a trigger for me. But… fuck, Janie.”

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