Page 8 of Eternally Bound

Right?

I pushed the doubt away. It wasn’t what I needed right now. I had to focus on my son and our future. Nothing has been conventional from the moment I met Callen. But things couldn’t continue lingering forever. I had to give up some dreams, make decisions, and move on.

Bram’s eyes, so like mine, met my gaze, and I smiled tenderly at him. He was all that mattered in my life.

“Where is Daddy?” he asked, his eyes searching behind me as if Callen would show up suddenly.

“He’s in London,” I told him, hiding my anxiety. “Just work stuff.”

Honestly, I was surprised he was still in London. He told me he was meeting with someone to discuss the publishing house issues he was having, and then he would be back. That was two damn weeks ago. It worried me that he kept going to London, but he promised he wouldn’t go near a casino. It was just to discuss his publishing house.

I should at least be able to trust him. If I couldn’t even trust him, there was nothing for us to work on. A heavy knot in my stomach felt like a warning. Or was it just an upset stomach? I really didn’t know anymore. It seemed to be present all the time lately.

I had run into Callen during one of my outings with Isla. I’ve known him now for over three years. I went into the relationship reluctantly, and it turned out to be a very rocky start. My accidental pregnancy was the least of it. Seeing a heartbroken bride in front of the church as I went to schedule the christening for my unborn son was a highlight of those first few months.

I waited for Daniel for over five years. The run in on the wrong side of London with the scary cousin opened my eyes. Daniel wasn’t coming back to me. My brain knew it, but my heart refused to believe it. Each time I performed in London, it was a special kind of torture. I’d see his face everywhere - in the crowds, on the streets, among the audience, or at the coffee shop where we met. Once, I even chased down a man, believing it was Daniel, only to find out it wasn’t him. My heart refused to let him go.

When I met Callen, he was the opposite of Daniel in every way. I told myself it was exactly what I needed. So when he offered to buy me a drink at our local Edinburgh hangout, I accepted. When he asked to see me the next day, I accepted again. It took three months to destroy a woman’s life, to get pregnant, and make an utter mess of our lives. Just like Daniel failed to disclose he was part of the London mafia, Callen failed to disclose he was engaged.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice… well, I was just an idiot.

Callen and I hadn’t gotten married yet. He asked plenty of times, but I had a hard time taking that final step. There were too many bumps in the road we kept running into that made me hesitant to take that final step. It started with the way we met. The guilt still ate at me for the way our relationship started. Albeit, I didn’t know he was engaged. But still, I should have asked around, should have seen the signs. Like I said, fool me twice.

The image of the heartbroken bride at the doorstep of the church was seared into my mind. Too upset at the news of Callen and I, her step faltered and she fell to her knees, tears streaming down her face. The pain in her eyes was something I would never forget. As her world fell apart, she sat on her knees, her wedding dress pooled around her. It was supposed to be the day that brought her happiness, and instead, it brought her tragedy.

And I was the culprit. A partial one, anyhow.

Liberty Smith. I have never forgotten that name. I felt as guilty as Callen was. Yes, I didn’t know he was engaged, but I certainly didn’t do my homework either. If only I put some effort into checking his background, I would have known. Seeing her broken like that shook me to my core, made me feel like the worst whore. She didn’t deserve that! Nobody deserved to be ditched on their wedding day.

Maybe I do now,I cringed at that self-damnation.

Yes, mine and Callen’s start was rocky. And that was putting it mildly.

“Good morning, my two favorite people.” My mother’s greeting startled me out of my thoughts.

“Morning, Mum.” My eyes searched her out, her petite body bent over my son, pressing a kiss on the crown of his head. Just as she used to do it with me. Wearing her white sleeping gown, she looked stuck somewhere between the fifteenth and eighteenth century.

My dad passed away when I was still too young to remember much of him. Except the love my parents shared. That I remembered, and each time my mum spoke about it, I heard it in her voice.

That’s what I want.

My cousin Lachlan’s parents had that kind of love too. My mother always said when you know, you just know. I thought I knew it way back. But then he never came back. So maybe I had it all wrong.

Mum moved slowly, her aching bones probably bothering her again. She called it old age’s curse but a blessing that she got to live into her old age. I decided getting late to Mrs. McKay’s class was just the thing to do this morning. I’d stay around a bit longer and make my mother her tea.

“Mum, let me make you tea, and you sit with Bram for a bit,” I offered, after I saw her wince upon taking a little step. Her arthritis was already starting to bother her, and it was barely December. It would get worse by the time winter came. Sometimes, I wished she’d just agree that we should go and spend our winters somewhere warm. Scotland could be brutal in late fall and winter. Beautiful, but raw and cold.

Just like the man I gave my heart when I turned eighteen.

Where did that thought come from? I haven’t thought of Daniel Carrington in a long time. I didn’t allow myself to think about him. Sometimes I still dreamt about him, but only because I couldn’t control my dreams. Those nights I felt a mixture of pain and happiness, even in my sleep. Like I had found and lost my soulmate.

Maybe this was the main reason things with Callen are going nowhere.

Inhaling deeply, in robotic movements I prepared my mother’s tea and dropped in two small cubes of sugar, just the way she liked it, then placed it in front of her on the table.

“Here you go, Mum.”

“Thank you, Ainslee.” She offered me a smile, her face still beautiful even in her years. I always thought her the most beautiful woman in the world. “Why don’t you leave Bram home with me today?”

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