Page 22 of Eternally Bound

“What if I don’t want it back?”

Did she still love me?

Chapter Eight

Ainsle

Our gazes locked. This whole time he thought he was protecting me. I was slightly agitated that he took it upon himself to decide what was best for me, but at the same time, I sort of understood it. The Carrington mafia was feared by most of the city. They were the criminals of the worst kind - untouchable. Yet, this man in front of me made meburnfor him.

I want to protect you.

Such simple words. And just like that, he melted my anger away along with all the years of tears, anguish, and loneliness. I’d have to tell Mother that McLaren hearts were dumb. Regardless, my heart still beats for him. It always had, and it always would. Except, this time I couldn’t trust him blindly.

Not with my heart. With my safety and body… Yes. But not with my heart. I believed him when he said he wanted to protect my family. If there was anyone that could protect us from his uncle, it was Daniel Carrington.

I’d be lying to myself if I said there wasn’t an intense attraction to him. Or that my desire for him had diminished. It hadn’t. It was the same kind of craving I had felt from the moment we met, maybe even hungrier today than it ever was. This need for him couldn’t be natural, but I didn’t want to fight it. I had never felt anything like this for anyone else. Raw and dangerous, the waves of sexual tension coming from him threatening to drown me.

I was barely hanging on to the edge of the cliff, this desire for him consuming me, inviting me to jump into the sea and expecting him to save me. I believed he would save me, but would he take care of my heart? For Pete’s sake, I had just made a life decision to keep men at bay, and this one was the worst choice to break my resolve with. He was the only one that could break my heart - again. I wasn’t sure I’d survive it a second time. These feelings should have died a long time ago.

Daniel Carrington was a dark abyss of sin and pleasures. I could sense his desire for me as I could my own. I locked eyes with Daniel’s dark gaze and my chest constricted with a sudden feeling. I felt it as if it was my own; Daniel Carrington’s isolation. Loneliness. Desperation in the darkness.

What happened to this man?

The man had already broken my heart once. I shouldn’t worry about him. My family came first, yet I couldn’t shake off these feelings for him. It would seem I was just as much of an idiot as my cousin Lachlan when it came to love.

“Your son, your mother, and you will be living under my roof,” he announced firmly. He always had a determination edged in him, so unlike Callen. “Trust me, I will keep you all safe.”

The question was whether he would keep my heart safe.

“I came looking for you,” I breathed out, the sorrow and pain coloring my voice. I didn’t mean for those words to leave my lips, but my mouth had a will of its own tonight.

I always thought him to be cruel to never call me, send a text, to let me know he was alive. He just vanished. He was supposed to let me know when he came back from his deployment. Yet, now it turned out, he did it to protect me. It was hard to come to terms with that.

Something flickered in his hooded eyes, secrets, loneliness, and hint of harshness that I had never seen before. Maybe they were there all along, hiding in his dark gaze, but I was too young back then to notice. However, I could relate to his loneliness because I felt the same way for years, even when I was with Callen.

He took a step closer to me, our bodies now flushed together and the scent of his cologne, so familiar yet foreign, invaded my lungs. I inhaled deep and breathed him in. It was a smell I had missed so much, so uniquely Daniel. It represented my own loneliness, love, and tears I had shed as I buried my face into the pillow that still smelled of him for days after he left.

Desire snaked down my spine with his closeness. After being apart for so many years, my body came alive around him. The McLaren in me wanted to throw it all on the table. Tell him I still loved him; I still needed him and wanted to be all in. McLarens were a different breed of people. Cousin Lachlan did it and got burned. I did it and got burned. Yet, we still believed, as crazy as it was, in love. If only I could know whether or not Daniel loved me.

I had to fight this impact he had on me. From all the scenarios that I could have ever fathomed of running into him again, this was never one of them.

Being gambled away. Being kidnapped to satisfy that debt.

“I’ll take care of you and your son,” Daniel vowed quietly, and for a moment, I saw a glimpse of the old Daniel that I fell in love with. Albeit, I noticed he didn’t comment on my admission that I looked for him. “You and your family will be safe here.”

His voice was firm, and I believed him.

“Thank you,” I rasped.

He always made me feel safe, though maybe I should question my sanity since he kidnapped me to have this conversation with me. However, if I was being honest with myself, I would have told him to go to hell if he approached me to discuss this out on the street. Or called me. I would have hung up and put him on a blocked list. Probably because he had hurt me, and I always tended to think with my heart more than my head.

It was a moot point to fight my feelings. I would love this man forever, whether he deserved it or not. McLaren hearts are given only once, and I had McLaren blood running through my veins.

It was a damn curse if you asked me. Smart women moved on and didn’t give second chances.

Hurt me once, shame on you. Hurt me twice, shame on me.Wasn’t that what Isla, my best friend, always said? She would give me a whole spiel on feminism, why women didn’t need men, and how she’d kill Daniel if he hurt me again.

The thought of Daniel hurt didn’t sit well with me. When he got deployed, I worried all the time about him. The worst part was that I had no way of reaching out to him or asking anyone to check on him. After that night, he never reached out again, never sent a message. Nothing, not a single word. It felt like sitting in the pitch darkness and waiting for a glimpse of light. For the past twelve years, I felt like I sat in the darkness, waiting for him.

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