Page 8 of Mending Scars

After a few minutes of inputting figures into a spreadsheet, my phone buzzed again. My eyes darted to my phone, and I hesitantly reached for it before stilling my hand over it.

Oh God, get a grip, Kaiya.

I snatched my phone from the desk and swiped the screen. Another text message popped up on the screen, and thankfully it was from Kamden.

Kam: Therapy at 4 today

Shit! I totally forgot!

I normally got off work at four, so I’d have to leave about half an hour earlier to make it to the appointment on time. I typed a quick email to my boss to let him know, then replied back to Kamden.

Me: K see you there :)

Although I was dreading the appointment, I was also somewhat excited. I’d been watching Kamden sink deeper and deeper into the quicksand of depression for months, helpless to stop it. I was ready to stop being weak and help my brother in whatever way possible, and I prayed that going to therapy with him would do just that.

My stomach was jumbled in thick, tight knots as Kamden and I sat in the waiting room of the psychiatrist’s office. Paintings of the Boston Harbor, boats, and sunsets hung on the cream-colored walls and a cliché potted fern sat in the corner of the room.

My leg shook nervously as I bit my nails. Just thinking about discussing Kaleb and my past made me sick.

I can’t do this. I can’t do this.

My phone chimed, interrupting my anxious thoughts, and I dug in my purse looking for it. When I swiped the screen, a text from Ryker popped up.

Ryker: Proud of you :) don’t be nervous you’ll be fine I love you Warrior

My stomach tightened for a different reason, and a small smile tugged at my lips. I glanced over at Kamden, who had his head leaned back against the wall. Bags laced his closed eyes, making them look sunken in. Stubble dusted the pale skin of his jaw, and I could tell that he’d lost some weight from his cheeks and neck.

My heart clenched as I appraised him—still the familiar face of my brother, yet so different. Aged. Sadder. Dulled. The vibrancy that his smile normally brought was gone.

Looking back at my phone, I took a deep breath and typed back my reply to Ryker.

Me: Thank you I needed that :) I love you too <3

The door next to the receptionist’s window opened, causing Kamden to abruptly sit up. The woman who had checked us in stood in the doorway, smiling politely at us. “Kamden Marlow?”

We both got up and walked toward her. She led us to another room with a huge bookshelf, brown leather couch and matching armchair. More paintings of the harbor, boats, and seaside adorned the walls, continuing the ocean theme from the waiting room. Blue and tan pillows decorated the sofa, adding some color to the neutral decor of the office.

“Dr. Lowell will be with you shortly,” the receptionist stated as she exited the room and shut the door.

I rounded the couch and sat down. Kamden sat on my right side and picked up a magazine from the coffee table in front of us.

He flipped through it aimlessly as I played a word scramble game on my phone, trying not to focus on where I was sitting at that very moment. I couldn’t let my anxiety consume me, not when Kam was depending on me.

About five minutes passed when the psychiatrist walked in, but it felt like hours to me. I was ready to bust out of my skin—I hated therapists

Dr. Lowell looked to be in her forties, with dirty blonde hair pulled back in a low bun. She wore a basic, black business suit with coordinating pumps. Carrying a large legal pad, she smiled as she approached us.

We both stood as she stuck her hand out toward me. “Nice to meet you—you must be Kaiya. Kamden has told me so much about you,” she said warmly.

Great.

I looked at my brother out of the corner of my eye. I could have sworn I saw him smirk, but it vanished as quickly as it had appeared.

Dr. Lowell turned her attention to Kam. “Good to see you again, Kamden. Please sit.” She gestured to the couch and waited for us to sit before she turned and sat in the armchair directly across from us. “How have you been?”

I waited for my brother to answer, hoping he would be honest and tell the doctor how he’d been struggling. But I couldn’t blame him if he didn’t—it would be hard for me to address my issues, also.

Kamden leaned forward and rubbed the back of his neck. He exhaled a heavy breath before speaking. “Some days are worse than others.”

---