Page 28 of Mending Scars

I can’t be a mom. I’m too fucked up.

Kaleb’s face took over my reflection. I shut my eyes and gripped the edge of the sink as my heart began to pound.

He ruined you. You can barely take care of yourself let alone a baby.

My face felt flushed, and my breathing quickened as anxiety crept in.

Calm down, Kaiya. Breathe, breathe, breathe.

I slowly inhaled and exhaled, attempting to push Kaleb out of my mind as I thought about the life growing inside me—something I never pictured having because of my past and the scars inflicted from the abuse I endured.

You can do this.

Kaleb’s voice played in my head. “You’re too weak to raise a baby. It’s going to end up fucked up like you.”

No!

“You’re a failure. You destroy the lives of everyone around you. You’ll do the same with your baby.”

Closing my eyes, I covered my ears with my hands. “No! No! No!”

“Maybe they’ll look like me.” His sinister laughter echoed in my head. “Then, you’ll have to deal with my face for the rest of your life.”

Tears leaked from my closed eyes as I tried to fight from the abyss Kaleb always pulled me in. “No!” I screamed, on the brink of losing control.

Calm down. Let go of the past and embrace the future. You’ve been given a gift—don’t take it for granted.

I opened my eyes and released another deep breath, facing the source of all my demons in the mirror.

“My child will be nothing like you.” I stated resolutely. “You hear me? Nothing like you!”

My face came back into focus as Kaleb’s slipped away. Easing my grip off the counter, I stepped back and stood taller.

Time to move on.. You have to take care of your baby—give them a better life than you had.

Tears filled my eyes as I stared down at my stomach and placed my hands over my belly. “Hi, little one. I’m your mommy.”

Mommy—I’m going to be a mommy.

Thoughts about how Ryker would react filled my head again. After everything that had happened with Molly, I doubted that he wanted to have a baby. We’d been together for less than a year, and having a baby together would be the ultimate commitment. There was no denying the love we had for each other, but I wasn’t sure that either one of us were ready to be parents.

I looked down at the test on the counter again, and my stomach flip-flopped. In a matter of minutes, my life had been changed. I was left feeling more conflicted than I’d ever been before. Feelings of joy and excitement combated with worry and uncertainty. I had no idea what Ryker would think, but I prayed that he would be happy—I needed him now more than ever. And so did our child.

When I got home from work, the apartment was filled with the smell of steak and spices. I threw my keys on the table and made my way to the kitchen, where Kaiya was pulling a tray of roasted vegetables out of the oven. “Hey, baby.”

Kaiya set the pan on the stove as she turned to look at me. She gave me a nervous smile. “Hey. How was the rest of your day?”

I was still irritated from what had happened at the police station earlier that day, but working out had let me relieve some of the tension and aggression. “Better.”

“Good. I don’t want you to worry about that anymore. I have a relaxing evening planned for us.”

I loved coming home on days like this. We didn’t always have time to have a home-cooked meal, and I always felt special when Kaiya made me dinner.

I walked over and pulled her into my arms. “Whatever you say, baby. How was the rest of your day?”

She ran her hands up my chest and around my neck. “Interesting.” Bringing my head down, she pressed her soft lips to mine.

Mmmmm.

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