Page 24 of The Scars of Us

“Yeah, you and me both. I’ll call you with more details later—I just got home from the gym, and I need finish dinner and shower.”

“All right, talk to you later. I’m really proud of you, Ky.”

“Thanks,” I smiled. “Bye.”

“Bye.”

I exhaled another deep breath, easing more of the tightness in my chest.You can do this. You’re stronger than you used to be.

I made a plate for Kamden and heated it in the microwave, but I didn’t feel like eating anymore. Talking about the meeting and Kaleb caused unease to settle in the pit of my stomach, so I decided to skip dinner and take a shower.

As I walked to the bathroom, I repeated my phrases to myself, afraid that fear would try to take root inside of me because of the upcoming meeting about Kaleb. It would be the closest I’ve ever been to him since theincident,and that thought terrified the weak, fragile part of me.

The warmth of the water helped erase the tension in my muscles. Working out had cleared my head, but after talking about the meeting with Nori, thoughts of Kaleb started to creep to the forefront of my mind again.

Shoving the thoughts back, I continued to chant my mantra and focus on the water trailing over my skin. Closing my eyes, I tipped my head back and let it pour over me as I let go of everything else.

Once I finished, I felt so much better. The weight of the situation had been alleviated, even if it would only be for a short time. I knew that as the date approached, it would be increasingly difficult to cope with everything.

Exhausted, I quickly dressed in my pajamas before falling into bed. Sleep found me quickly, pulling me under its veil seconds after my head hit the pillow.

“Kaleb, I don’t like when you touch me like this.” I flinched as he ran his hands over my skin.

“Why? You’re mine, and I’m yours. I should be able to touch you wherever I want.” Both his hands and voice were possessive and harsh as he continued to touch me.

Mom and Dad have always said that Kaleb was supposed to take care of me, but this feels wrong. Good, but wrong.

“Doesn’t it feel good when I touch you like this?” Kaleb asked, interrupting my thoughts.

We were in my bedroom, on my bed with the door locked.Mom and Dad never questioned when they came up and found the door that way. Kaleb lay next to me, pressing his body up against my side. His fingers stroked my breasts before trailing down my stomach, eliciting a shudder from me.

“You’re so beautiful, made just for me,” he murmured against my ear before sucking my earlobe in his mouth.

“We shouldn’t be doing this,” I weakly protested as I squirmed beneath his venturing hand. My friends never talked about their brothers touching them this way, but his mouth was on my neck, and the combined sensations were making it hard to think.

“Why? You love me, right?”

“Of course I love you, Kaleb, but—”

“Then, you’ll let me do this. And you won’t tell Mom and Dad.”

His fingers had reached their destination, slowly caressing me and making me forget why I was objecting when it felt so good. My head lolled back against the pillow as Kaleb continued to touch me.Something that felt this good couldn’t be wrong, could it?

When he was finished, I immediately covered myself with the blanket, clutching it to me as he stood up from my bed. He licked his fingers, like he did every time, and disgust began to replace the pleasure tingling through my body once the haze began to recede.

I fought the tears that threatened to spill over, not wanting him to see me cry. It would only make him angry, and he hurt me when he was angry—I didn’t want him to hurt me more than he already had.

He walked toward me, leaning on the bed as he pressed a kiss to my forehead, causing me to cringe in response. “I love you, Kaiya.”

As a tear escaped each of my lids, I quickly swiped them away before he pulled away and saw. “I love you, too,” I replied, avoiding his gaze.

I didn’t move until I heard the door shut. Then, I bolted out of the bed and into my bathroom, barely reaching the toilet before throwing up.

Once I finished vomiting, I hopped in the shower, turning on the water to the hottest I could stand it before scrubbing my skin until it was red, almost raw. Tears poured off my face, sobs wracking my body as I stayed there until the water ran cold.

Sitting up in bed, my eyes snapped open to darkness, the only light coming from my alarm clock. Sweat clung to my skin as I threw the covers off me, feeling as though they were suffocating me.

Much like my dream, I sprang out of bed to throw up in my bathroom. Disgust still permeated my body, my stomach still nauseated despite vomiting. Shakily, I stood, stripping my clothes before turning on the shower.

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