Page 26 of That's Too Pucking Bad

I grab my phone and call him, my heart pounding—not from excitement but from dread.

It rings twice before I hear his groggy voice. “Hey, Remy.”

My voice catches. “Can I come over?”

There’s a pause, then a soft sigh. “It’s late. I’m really tired, but the door’s open if you want.”

I hang up, my hands shaking as I move to the bathroom. I scrub every inch of my skin, like I’m trying to wash him off me, the Red Mask guy, every trace of him. I shampoo my hair twice, just in case, then step out, wrapping a towel around myself as I stare into the mirror.

I hate what I see. My eyes are red and puffy. My face pale.I look like a mess.

I pull on a pair of leggings, a hoodie—one of Colin’s, actually, because I need to feel likehisagain—and request an Uber to his place. When I get there, the door’s locked, but I don’t even need to knock. The spare key is always under the rock by the steps. I slip inside quietly, like I’ve done a hundred times before.

Familiar.

Everything about this place is familiar—the creak in the hallway floor, the way the lights dim when you turn them on too fast, the soft hum of the TV downstairs.

I push open his bedroom door, and there he is, half-asleep in bed, his hair messy, his glasses on the nightstand. “Hey, baby,” he mumbles, sitting up and rubbing his eyes. “Didn’t expect you.”

“I missed you,” I say, forcing a smile as I walk toward him. It’s not a lie. I did miss him. I always do. But right now, it feels like I’m drowning in guilt.

He smiles back, all sleepy and cute, and reaches up to pull my glasses off my face. “I miss you too.”

I straddle him, my hands slipping around his neck as I press my lips to his, kissing him like I need to prove something, to myself or to him. His lips are soft, familiar, but I push harder, kissing his neck, grinding against him like I’m trying to get lost in this.

“Remy,” he chuckles softly, gripping my waist, stopping me. “Slow down, baby. What’s going on?”

“Nothing,” I lie, shaking my head, but my hands are already moving, sliding down his chest, slipping under the waistband of his pants. I want to feel him, to erase everything from earlier.

He catches my hand before I can get any further, his grip gentle but firm. “Hey, hey. What’s gotten into you? I mean, not that I’m complaining, but... this isn’t like you.”

I stop, staring at him. His eyes are soft and concerned, and I feel like the worst person on the planet.

“You’re beautiful, Remy,” he says, his voice so damn tender it makes my chest ache. “You know I want you, but maybe we press the brakes and we’ll talk in the morning, okay?”

I nod, swallowing the lump in my throat. “Yeah... yeah, okay.”

He smiles again, pulling me down to lie next to him, his arms wrapping around me, pulling me close. “I love you,” he whispers, his breath warm against my hair.

“I love you too,” I whisper back, but my voice sounds hollow to my own ears.

He’s asleep in minutes, his breathing evening out as he holds me close.

But I’m wide awake. Staring at the ceiling. Tears slipping down my cheeks, staining the pillow under me.

I’m fucking everything up. I’m going to lose Colin. All because I was some stranger’sslut.

And because no matter how much I pretend, I actually liked it.

I wake up in Colin’s bed, his arm draped across my waist, soft snores escaping his lips. I can’t believe last night.My stomach churns with guilt, embarrassment clinging to my skin like sweat. I slide out from under his arm carefully, trying not to wake him. The last thing I need is him asking me what the hell was going on last night.God, what was I thinking?

I tiptoe around his room, grabbing my shoes, then pause at the door. He looks so peaceful, so innocent. Too good for me.

I slip out quietly, the door clicking shut behind me. The Uber ride back to campus feels endless, my mind racing. I lean my forehead against the cool window and try to push the guilt out of my head, but all I can think about is Colin. He’s so sweet, so patient, and last night I tried to use him to erasehim.Red Mask guy. The thought makes me sick.

Back at the dorm, I push open the door quietly, expecting an empty room. But instead, I freeze. Caleb is lying in Maya’s bed, his arm slung over her like they just fell asleep cuddling. What the actual fuck?

Something sharp pierces through my chest. I stare at them for a second longer than I should, and Maya’s eyes flutter open. She doesn’t notice me though, just snuggles closer into Caleb. I grab my bag and books as quietly as possible, stuffing them into my backpack.

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