Page 100 of Knight Life In Vegas

“You probably think I don’t remember what you were like before she was gone. I do. I remember how much you both loved me, and that just made it all so much worse when you couldn’t even look at me and I had to fight tooth and nail for your attention.”

“I’m sorry. You were the only thing that kept me alive for a long time. It took everything in me to stay. If it hadn’t been for you, there were a thousand times I nearly followed your mother. I thought about it every day. I couldn’t even tell if it was betterfor me to stay or not. I didn’t want you to lose both parents, but I suppose in many ways you did anyway.”

Bryce didn’t say anything for a long time. Eventually, he whispered, “I didn’t know.”

“I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you. You didn’t need that burden. You still don’t, but I have no other way to explain.”

“I’m glad you told me. I knew you were struggling, but you were so fucking good at your poker face. I always felt like I was a disappointment.”

I didn’t think my heart could break more than it already had. “Never! I’m so proud of you, Bryce. My issues shouldn’t have overshadowed being able to tell you that. I’m so fucking sorry.”

He pulled away slowly, wiping the wetness from his cheeks with a bitter laugh. “The poetic irony is so potent right now. You were so pissed at me for bonding a scent match and now you’ve shown up having done the same thing.”

“Finding out you had bonded Ava triggered me so deeply, knowing it was possible for you to feel what I felt. I hope to god you never experience it, and I’m glad now that you know the joy of it, but that doesn’t mean I’m not afraid of you one day being able to understand me too much.”

Bryce nodded carefully. “I don’t even want to contemplate it. I can acknowledge it would be devastating to look at Lucy and see Ava’s face if I lost her one day. I can’t think about losing her, only about keeping her. Is Charlotte okay?”

“As well as she can be in the circumstances. We still don’t really know what happened, but it was as out of the blue as Ava’s bond to you. She bonded Francisco only a couple of days ago, again by accident.”

“You’d better take care of her. Ava will feed you into a wood chipper if you hurt her, and I wouldn’t stand in her way.”

I winced at the visceral imagery.

“What happens now?” he asked.

“Nothing happens. My plan is still to stay until the bond calms down and then I return to my life.”

Bryce laughed sharply. “Good luck with that.”

“There’s no other choice. I can’t stay here and Charlotte doesn’t want to go to New York. Fate chose wrong, and we simply have to live with the consequences.”

“Youcouldstay,” he insisted.

“The others are so much better for her. Fate was right about them, not me. I’ll support her and the boys until the day I die, but I’ve never deserved a life with them.”

Bryce’s brow furrowed and I took in all the details of his face. His eyes were the same shade as Emily’s. They shared the same smile and the same frown, the same crinkle in the corner of their eyes. It didn’t open the hole of burning agony in my chest to see those similarities now, but the guilt still weighed heavily on me, knowing the reason I could look at him and not want to break was because of my bond with Charlotte.

“You can’t punish yourself forever, you know.”

“I’ve done a good job of it so far,” I replied in an attempt at levity.

“Show me the receipts.”

I stared at him for a moment before recovering myself and pulling my phone out. I searched the name of my therapist in my email, years worth of payment receipts for sessions populating alongside panicked emails to the clinic’s crisis line during my darker nights. I turned it to Bryce, and he scrolled, his eyes widening at the years and years of proof that I had been trying.

“And the flights?”

I took the phone back and searched for the email from Autumn where she had canceled everything after I had moved out here.

Bryce surveyed the list, over two dozen flights booked and canceled for the next year with clear dates that they’d beenbooked before I realized the match with Charlotte. “You really weren’t kidding. You were going to come see me?”

“I didn’t want to lose you more than I already had, and I wanted to see Lucy grow up. I hoped I might be able to be a better grandfather than I was a father. I can’t ever make up for what happened and what you lost in your childhood, but I wanted to be sure you both know how much I love you.”

“Dad…” Tears snuck up on him again, and he wiped furiously at them. “Fuck. How am I supposed to stay mad at you?”

“I’ve done plenty of things to fuel that fire. If anger is easier, keep feeling it. I wouldn’t blame you for it one bit. I don’t expect forgiveness, however much I would love to have it.”

“Stay.”

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