Page 82 of Rage

“I didn’t. I knocked on the door, but she didn’t respond. Figured she was down here.”

“I’ll go check.” I stood from the couch, brushing past him, but he didn’t let me get far.

Hendrix gripped my arm, holding me so that I couldn’t move. “Be gentle with her. She was crying when she was setting the table earlier.”

My heart sank. If Thea was still crying over this baby, I didn’t know if she’d be ready for my icy demeanor. I wasn’t the soft teddy bear she sometimes needed. I was the tough love, rough around the edges lover.

I didn’t snuggle after sex as long as she liked, or listen to her complain about her day. That just wasn’t who I was. And I didn’t have to pretend to be when there were four of us she could turn to for different things.

Maybe she needed Hendrix to be the one to check on her now. But as much as I didn’t break often in front of Thea, I understood the pain she was going through. I understood how sad she was to find out she lost our child. And I wanted to be the one to make sure she wasn’t falling to pieces right now.

I was the tough one. I was the one who could shoulder the burden of her depression. Hendrix was too soft. It would break him if she was hiding because she was sad right now.

My face softened, and I nodded. “I’ll go easy,” I promised.

I left the game room and headed through the open space of the first level. Parker and Shane were sitting on the couch together, both reading in silence. They didn’t pay me any mind when I walked past them to the stairs.

The steps were wooden, my feet making an echoing sound with each stair I took. By the time I was in the hallway, if Thea was awake, she’d probably be able to tell by the heaviness of my footprints that it was me coming.

Except, when I opened the door to the main bedroom, she wasn’t there. I swallowed air into my lungs, inflating like a balloon heavy with lead as anxiety settled in my chest.

Where are you, little vixen? I stepped into the room, looking around. Then, I heard the shower running.

Heading for the bathroom, I opened the door quietly. The stall for the shower had clear glass, and Thea’s back was to me. Her head was dropped and her shoulders shook. I didn’t have to hear the silent sobs to know what was happening.

She’d been doing this often since we lost the baby. Outside of the bathroom she was strong, put together, and pretended to be happy. But in the shower, alone, she allowed herself to be weak. She never allowed us to see this side of her, but I’d caught her a few times when I worried she’d been gone too long and went to check on her.

It always cracked my chest right open to see this side of my girl. She’d been in our lives for almost seven years now. She was strong, even while I was breaking her. She never cried. I’d only seen it when Paisley had been hospitalized, and I’d only seen it again recently. I didn’t like it. I was supposed to be the only thing that brought her tears.

I stripped quickly, doing my best to remain quiet, so that she didn’t hear me. I climbed in behind her, wrapping myself around her. She gasped, turning to face me. Eyes wide, she covered her face with her hands.

“Calder. I can’t make it stop.”

I tugged her against me, pressing her head into my chest as the quiet cries turned into loud, uncontrollable sobs that shook her whole body.

My hand fell to the top of her head and I stroked her gorgeous black hair in an attempt to calm her. “Shh, baby. I’ve got you.”

We stayed like that for what felt like forever. My fingers wrinkled from the water, and the hot temperature was turning cold. But I wasn’t going to make her leave until she was ready. The shower was the only place she allowed herself to shut off the strength she pretended she had.

I smirked. Well, the shower and the bedroom where she allowed me to take her, however I wanted, were the only places she allowed herself to shut it off.

We didn’t have that outlet right now, though. Not since our life turned upside down all those weeks ago. And I didn’t think I should be the first to have sex with her now. She needed gentle and slow. She needed Shane or Parker. Not the rough, demanding, selfish bastard that I was. Even Hendrix. He was soft outside of the bedroom, but inside of it, he was cruel and demanding, just like me.

Slowly, the crying stopped, and her body wasn’t shaking anymore. Her hand drifted lower until it was squeezing my dick. My entire body stiffened. I shut my eyes, trying to maintain my willpower.

“Thea,” I spoke through gritted teeth. “Baby, stop.”

“Please, Calder.”

“I don’t want to hurt you.”

She pumped me and the cold water be damned, my cock hardened in her fist. “I want you to hurt me,” she said, desperation dripping from those sweet lips. “Make me forget. Make me shut it off. Please, Daddy.”

I groaned through my gritted teeth. She knew exactly what she was doing to me. Exactly how badly I loved it when she spoke that taboo word in her dirty, lust-induced voice. She was tugging on the last ounce of restraint I had, and it wouldn’t take much to send me over the edge. I had no doubt, however, that she’d do it, happily.

She lifted her head away from my chest, then sank her teeth into my shoulder while her strokes became faster. I sucked in air through my teeth; the pain causing my half-hard shaft to turn a full-on steel rod.

Gripping a fistful of hair, I tugged her head back, forcing her to look up at me. We stared at each other for a moment, and I saw it in her big brown eyes. The twinkle of hope and pleasure and desire were there, coming to the forefront. The dull sadness dissipating with each electrifying second that passed.

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