Page 92 of Rage

“You knew?” Hendrix asked.

Shane nodded. “Yeah, bro. I did. And I’ve been struggling too. Not able to physically be there for Thea because I needed to take care of the shop.”

Thea spoke next. “I know it's been a lot on you, Calder. But I really needed you. You’ve been there since we found out, and your taking control of everything helped me out so much. I felt like I was able to just shut everything off and I’m so grateful for that. I’m just so sorry you’ve been hurting, too. And I ignored it. That was really selfish of me.”

“I did what I had to, to bring you back, doll.” He pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “We’re good now, and that is all I need from you.”

Silence filled the air between us. Awkward and damning.

Guilt, like I’d never carried before, weighed me down. I caused all of this. From the miscarriage to being distant and taking all of Hendrix’s attention. The ripple effect caused heartbreak through all of us. I had no clue how badly Calder was struggling to handle it all. He was holding his emotions in while taking care of Thea, and suddenly I was surprised he hadn’t lost his shit on me sooner.

I chuckled softly, at the thought.

“What’s so fucking funny?” Calder asked.

“Nothing.” I shook my head, sobering up. “Thea, I’m so sorry, baby. I am. I’m going to do better. Be present more. And Calder, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have put all the pressure on you by withdrawing. I’m back now and I’m ready to push through this, if you are.”

Calder’s jaw ticked, and he looked away, remaining silent.

“I have an idea,” Shane said.

Hendrix cocked his head to the side as he watched Shane.

“We need to have a memorial. For the baby. We never even named her. She should be named.”

My chest squeezed. I hadn’t realized we knew the sex of the baby, and knowing that now, I felt like utter garbage. I missed too much these past weeks.

Thea nodded. “Me and Calder named her. We just didn’t tell anyone. I didn’t know if it was something you guys wanted to do.”

“What’s her name?” I asked, the words strangled in my throat.

“Ahn Rose.”

“For my mom?” I asked, suddenly feeling pride in place of the nausea that had been churning inside me.

She nodded, reaching over the table to grab my hand.

“Thank you,” I whispered, my eyes trained on Calder.

He dipped his chin in acknowledgment. Then released my hand and turned to Calder. She cupped his face in her hands, and he dropped his head so their foreheads could touch.

“We’re back, honey,” Thea whispered. “All of us are back.”

He nodded against her, a sniffle escaping. And I knew he was forcing himself not to cry, not to let in the emotions. But they were winning, and tears fell down his face. I hadn’t seen Calder cry, ever. Not even after he woke up in a hospital bed after being shot when we were deployed. Not even after I told him we’d lost a teammate. This was a side of Calder no one ever saw, and he was exposing himself to vulnerability.

Thea wrapped her hands around his neck, holding him while tears fell into her shoulder.

Chapter Eleven

Thea

Parker set the table while I moved the last bit of eggs from the pan and onto the serving tray. Christmas music played from the living room, trickling into the kitchen.

Paisley was home. It was Christmas eve, and I felt like we were finally getting back into things. There was no more tension between any of us, and we were learning to communicate openly again.

Hendrix slid behind me, his hands finding the curves of my ass, and he dug them into my pants. His head nuzzled into the crook of my neck, kissing me there.

“Smells good,” he said, his voice raspy and thick.

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