Page 634 of Rage

Yeah, years of abuse will make you wish you were dead, I think bitterly.

“So you see why I can’t have a baby now?” I answer sadly.

“No, I don’t,” he replies. “Just because you were raised like that, doesn’t mean you’ll be a shitty parent.”

I stare at him with my mouth agape and eyes wide. He doesn’t understand the trauma of having to watch your mother kill your abusive father then herself. My eyes drop to the floor and I hear a crash. When I look back up, I see the chair he was sitting on in pieces on the floor and he’s climbing to his feet.

“You two will not see each other for a while,” he says.

“Carl,” I call out.

“That’s not my name,” he snaps.

“What? That’s the name from your name tag,” I say slowly.

“I stole the uniform from the one who was gonna deliver your pizza,” he admits, like it’s perfectly normal to steal clothes from someone and act like a delivery driver. This man is deranged.

“So, what is your name then?”

“You can just call me Sin,” he replies, grabbing Noah’s arm and walking out of the room, leaving me to think about everything we talked about.

Chapter Five

Noah

We have been locked up in our separate rooms for weeks, since the whole tie up the kidnapper incident. Sin is the only human contact I’ve had since I held Kieran in my arms, when she found out she’s pregnant. I agree with Sin that her childhood doesn’t define her, but I also see where she’s coming from. The trauma would be hard to overcome, especially because she doesn’t talk about it much. I ask to see Kieran every day to check on her, but every day I get the same response.

I’m getting sick and tired of hearing it! I need to see how she’s doing, because it’s irritating me that she might need me and I can’t get to her.

“What’s with the look on your face?” Sin questions.

I jump–I didn’t hear him come in my room. “I want to see Kieran,”

“Not yet, it’s not time,”

It’s pissing me off. Sin is so much closer to getting me to admit that I want him. I’ve come to terms that I’m not straight, but I’m still not sure I’m ready. He’s such an asshole. The only time we’ve ever got close to anything was when he let me intoKieran’s room. Since then, he hasn’t touched me and I haven’t touched him.

Sin walks up to me, his gray eyes, staring into my soul. He reaches down and touches my face. “When are you gonna admit you want me?”

“I don’t,” I admit on a soft whisper.

“Why are you still lying?” Sin growls. “It’s been weeks, and I’ve seen your search history.”

That statement startles me. I whip my head towards him. “Excuse me?”

He looks at the floor rubbing the back of his neck.

“When I was watching both of you, I went through your search history. I saw what you were searching for. Why would you deny yourself for so long? What happened to you that you think this is the right way? Why are you still pretending to be straight?”

I stare at him. His face is as blank as the mask he wears. I should feel violated, but I feel immense relief and a little bit of shame. The relief is what catches me off guard. Why am I relieved that someone knows about this? “Do you know what it’s like to have all sixty-four bones in your arm broken?” I ask while he stands there silent. “Because I do.”

He blinks at me slowly, an unreadable expression in his eyes, and I take a deep breath, hoping that he’ll understand what I’m about to say.

“So, I’m so fucking sorry if me being unsure about my sexuality is such an inconvenience to your stupid ass, but no; I’m not just going to jump into bed with you.”

He takes a step back, like I slapped him. I look down at his hands and see them trembling. My eyes slowly travel back up to his face, his whole body is visibly shaking.

“Are you okay?” I question, taking a step closer. “You’re shaking.”

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