Page 394 of Rage

Shopping on autopilot, I gather everything that I think I could need for meals this week and head to the register. Placing my basket on the belt, I patiently wait my turn for the cashier to ring in my food, while the mother in front of me finishes her transaction.

“Ma’am, I apologize but it looks like the card declined.” The cashier says as politely as possible so as not to embarrass her. The redness of shame finds its way to her face and her toddler squirms in the stroller while she digs in her bags and pulls out a few small bills but not enough to cover her food. Pulling out my card, I know that I will need to adjust my self-care budget for the month but I won’t let a mother in my community struggle to feed her babies if I can help it.

“Let me get this for you,” I say with a soft smile and a soft flutter in my heart. The cashier seems stunned and unaccustomed to kindness between strangers. She tries to hand me the little bit of cash that she has.

“No need. Please, just pay it forward where you can,” I insist as I see the unshed tears fill her eyes. She nods and loads the groceries into her cart and heads for the exit. The young cashier rings in my groceries and I complete my transaction noting the new lightness in my chest knowing that today she will be able to feed her family regardless of her card and financial status. I see a man in dark clothes barely in my peripherals as I go to leave the store.

My heartbeat starts to increase at the potential danger and I reach into my bag to feel my concealed gun. I didn’t think I would need it when I met with Aldo but I was more concerned with the after-effects of being seen with a mafia don than the don himself, especially when he got on his knees for me. Moving slowly, I slip my gun into the belt of my pants and place all the groceries on my left side, freeing my right to react as needed. I walk back to my car, checking every reflective surface to watchfor the man as I near where I parked. Placing the bags in the trunk hastily, I unlock the driver’s side door hating the exposure as I climb into the driver's seat and lock the doors.

The self-defense instructions from my years of classes start repeating in my brain.

Do not drive straight home.

Do not go down any alleyways.

Do not let them get in the car.

If you have to shoot, shoot to kill because it might be the only chance that you get.

My heart is beating fast in my chest but I force myself to take even breaths and keep my head on the task at hand. If I am being followed I am going to need all of the survival skills I have learned since college and Robert. I pull away from my parking spot and circle through the busy neighborhoods just south of my apartment, checking for any car that might be following me before I pull into the garage and park in my space. Keeping my head on a swivel and my right hand free, I pull out my groceries from the car and head inside. Once I enter the foyer, I set down my groceries and unsheath my gun before locking the door and carefully clearing every closet and hiding space in my apartment.

With the coast clear but the unease in my chest still present, I reholster the pistol and tuck it into my waistband to keep it nearby. I put away the cold food that I brought and proceed to prepare my lunches, listening for any sounds outside the door while I patiently wait for Lucy. Time passes quickly as I work through processing the veggies and prepackage all of my meals for this week. By the time I finish putting the lids on the containers, there is a soft rhythmic knock at my door that Lucy uses to indicate that she is on the other side of the door. I quickly saunter over to the door, unlock it, and open it only to be barrel-rolled by my beautiful best friend into a hug that sweeps me off my feet.

“Hey, Luce,” I chuckle as she finally puts me down. Her responsive laughter is enough to lighten the mood. She gently pats my holstered firearm with a raised brow, waiting for me to fill her in.

“You, ma’am, have a lot to fill me in on, but don’t worry I brought hot chocolate to make this easier,” She tells me with a smile, pulling out the bag of her homemade hot chocolate mix that she covets the recipe for. I stand there with tears in my eyes and a full heart, knowing that no matter what I say next, Lucy will ride or die for me. While she will ask clarifying questions and advise me against things that are potentially harmful, at the end of the day no matter what decision I make she will respect it and be here to hold me if it ends badly.

While she stands there and makes our cocoa, I spill a recap of my entire day and she just listens. It all comes off my chest like a weight and I know in this moment that my platonic best friend is the best thing that has ever and will ever happen to me. Even if I end up old, grey, and alone romantically, I know that Lucy and I will always be together and hold space for one another. When I finally finish the recap of my day and stop talking, I just look at her waiting for the questions that I know are coming.

“Anna, I love you and I respect your decision but how can a relationship with him go anywhere if he has to stay married to his wife?” She asks me with softness in her eyes backed by fire.

“I didn’t agree to forever but I did agree to go on dates and ask questions as we go. I don’t expect him to have everything figured out without me and he seems to be willing to follow my lead on this. Luce, he was on his knees for me. You could have heard a pin drop with how quiet the room got,” I respond, hoping that she understands my want to cautiously move forward and continue to get information.

“I love that, and maybe you could put that position to good use,” she taunts me, causing me to be bright red at the thought ofhim on his knees bringing me pleasure over and over again until I physically can’t stand anymore. I shake the dirty thoughts away as she laughs knowing exactly what she did to me.

“I love you. Are you staying here tonight or is it cocoa before you head home since I have work in the morning?” I ask, hoping that she will stay but also knowing that it might be safer for her if she isn’t with me right now.

“I have time for cocoa and then I will let you get your beauty sleep. No one needs a crabby nurse tomorrow.” She laughs, knowing that I am much nicer when I get sleep, especially for the start of my work week. When she finishes pouring the cocoa into two mismatched mugs before we sit down at the dining room table. We each take a mismatched chair next to each other before sipping the chocolate deliciousness in front of us. We have been friends long enough that I know when she has the need to say something so I reach over and put one of my hands on hers. Her mouth opens and closes a few times as she struggles to find the words.

“I am as worried about your heart in this as I am your safety. A man like him has more enemies than we can count. I know you can take care of yourself, but I promised that I would never leave you alone to fight your battles.” She finally admits her fear to me with unshed tears in her eyes. I grasp her hand in mine and take a moment to cherish the amazing bond that we have built over the last five years.

“I promise that I will be honest with you the whole time and that we can continue to discuss everything as it progresses so you can help keep my expectations realistic and feet firmly on the ground.”

“Good, because I love you and I might die, but I would take him out with me if it came to it.”

Chapter Seven

“Is it stalking, or following around my queen?”

Aldo

Iknow that I need to give her the space that I promised her but my primal need to be near her is overwhelming my good senses. It only took one phone call to the hospital administrators to give me an office space to work out of the hospital with the ability to oversee the nurse's station from two floors above it. In an effort to respect her professional space, I have a view of her while she works on paperwork effortlessly as an elegant woman. She has worked so hard to get where she is in life, and yet, she does things like paying for a mother's food without batting an eye. The size of her heart is unlike anyone that I have ever met before. My whole life has been spent around spoiled and devious women who would not help someone in their family, let alone a stranger.

I spend hours of my day alternating between the makeshift desk and the landing where I can catch glimpses of her. The mountain of paperwork that would usually drain me seems easier to complete, which has never happened before. She is both fast and efficient at her job and I can’t help but feel pride in my chest at my beautiful woman. There is only an hour leftof her day and Gio comes sprinting up the stairs, panic written on his face. Instantly I am in boss mode and have to focus on what needs to happen but by the time he reaches me, he is out of breath.

“What happened?” I ask, trying to understand

“I’m so sorry Boss. I was following Lucy from work to her car and I was less than ten seconds behind her. The quiet side road gave me minimal space to hide while she got in her car. Mere seconds passed as I got on my bike and headed toward the street where she was parked. There was a painting van that pulled quickly off the road and when I had sight of where she was parked, the driver's side door was open and she was nowhere in sight.” He sputters out the last words and falls to his knees, waiting for my verdict.

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