Page 380 of Rage

I run a hand over my face as the corners of my eyes prickle, my fingers lingering on my lips as I try to wrap my mind around Lita’s absence.

Is she coming back? Is she aging out early?Is she safe?

“I don’t understand,” I say, my voice barely a whisper.

Sara shakes her head. “We don’t either, but we’re…afraid.What if they’ve changed the rules without telling us? What if they plan to take more of us?”

Knots twist my stomach as I meet her troubled gaze. Her fear radiates through the room until I feel it too, sinking through me, sitting heavy in my stomach, but I’m not afraid of aging out early. I’ve been mentally preparing my whole life for whatever they plan to do to us—tome—but that all pales in comparison to my fear of losing Lita.

“Torri,” Sara says, snapping me out of my thoughts. I bite the inside of my cheek to keep myself from crying as she watches me, but my emotions are mounting, making it harder and harder to fight back the tears. “I’m sorry. Truly.”

The apology hits like a blow to my chest, and I take a step back. Why else would Sara apologize so sincerely unless she knew what was going on between Lita and I? Unless she understood the depth of my distress?

I can’t bring myself to ask. I’ve already risked too much by coming here and asking questions. The only thing I want to do right now is disappear, to fade into the darkness and never come out. I want to run, to scream, to cry. I want to burst into the breeder house and find her, if only to see her one last time.

All I can manage is a feeble “thanks” before I turn and head for the door, tears blinding me as I go back to my room.

Chapter Four

September 9, 2050

Seven. Days.

It’s been seven days since Lita was summoned by the High Majesty, and nothing has been right since.

As each day passes, any hope I had of her returning slowly dies, smothered by more intense emotions and crushing disappointment. A throbbing pain in my chest beats in time with my heart, bleeding through my thoughts, hitting me in random waves that I can’t escape.

I’ve asked girls around the house, trying not to raise suspicions, hoping one of them may have information about what happened to Lita and the other girl. No one wants to talk about it, not that I can blame them.

We’re discouraged from asking questions. If it’s important, the Peace Officers will notify us, and obviously the absence of two house members isn’t enough for them to bat an eye at.

This is the way, as it must be.

Still, knowing things are as they must be, I can’t help but question. Curiosity has sunk into my bones, throwing myimagination into overdrive. I wonder. I worry. Ithink, and I keep my thoughts to myself.

Death would be the kindest punishment if Peace Officers found out what I was debating, the thoughts and desires occupying my mind as I gathered herbs and spices in the field. They’re dangerous, infectious ideas that slowly consume me, burning through my veins like a disease, and once they take hold, I can’t shake them no matter how hard I try.

I spend hours contemplating how difficult it would be to sneak past the Peace Officers…

How easily Lita and I could run into the forest…

How quickly we could escape…

Yet, for all my daydreaming, I can’t summon the courage to act on it. Even if I manage to get past the guards and sneak into the breeder house, I have no way of knowing if Lita’s there. I’m guessing at this point, clinging to a sliver of hope that she’s even still alive.

Until I know for sure, I can’t defy orders. I must stay and obey, just like I’ve always done, until I know she’s safe.

This is the way, as it must be.

After another long day in the field, I stare up at the dark ceiling of my room, my thoughts refusing to be tamed. My mind wanders, images of Lita tangling together with my desire to escape this place until I’m a mess of confliction once again.

I sigh deeply, my jaw clenching.

How much unrest can one person tolerate before they lose their ability to comply? Before theysnap? I fear I’m well on my way to finding out.

Forcing my eyes closed, I take a few deep breaths, trying to slow my racing pulse. Minutes drag by, but eventually I settle down, slowly slipping into unconsciousness.

Then a frantic knock at the door has my eyes flying open again.

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