Page 329 of Rage

“Nothing,” I lied.

“I said, what do youfeel, Tara?” he pressed.

Gripping the knife handle tighter in my hand, I closed my eyes, taking a deep, grounding breath.

“I feel...ready, Doctor.”

“Good girl, Tara.” He gripped my cheeks harshly with one hand, forcing my mouth open, and placed a small, white tablet on my tongue. “Swallow for me. You’ll be even more ready soon.”

Sitting on my bed at the Haven House, I picked at my cuticles, looking at the digital clock on the nightstand next to my bed. It was six in the evening, and I was one sleep away from being forced out of the group home.

My session with Dr. Halloway had me on edge. He’s pressed and pressed, trying to get my urges to manifest, and I was struggling to keep them at bay. I was still feeling strange from that pill he forced down my throat.

At least I got my knife back…I thought, stroking the handle with my thumb absentmindedly, proud of myself for swiping it off his desk as I left.

Funny thing about the foster care system; once you turn eighteen, you’re no longer the state’s problem. They show you the door and wish you good luck in life that they don’t do shit to help you prepare for. But I wasn’t letting that bitch of a social worker kick me out; I’m leaving on my own terms.

I could hear all the children playing outside on the playground, so it was the perfect time to leave. Standing off the bed with purpose, I reached underneath the bed frame and grabbed my duffel bag. I’ve never had much here, but I neatly folded my four outfits I owned, and placed my toiletries in a plastic bag on top of my clothes. I tucked my knife away safely in between two pairs of jeans and patted the stack of clothes, making mental notes of where it would be.

I was expecting to be on the streets for a while, so I took my duffel bag to the kitchen. Shuffling through the pantry, I grabbed as many lightweight non-perishables as I could find and shoved them into my bag.

This will have to do for now. I have plans tonight…

Before leaving, I snuck into Gemma’s office and picked the lock of her drawer. She keeps her emergency cash in here, and it was mine now.

Once satisfied with the contents of my bag, I pulled up my long, black hair into a ponytail and began humming Für Elise as I slipped silently out the front door.

It was only about a ten-minute walk to Dr. Halloway’s house, and he should be home from the office in about twenty minutes. As I turned the corner out of the neighborhood, I reminisced about a previous session with Dr. Halloway last week.

“So, tell me, Tara, how does this make you feel when you see it?” Dr. Halloway asked, showing me an image of a woman sobbing over a flag covered coffin of a loved one.

“I guess she’s upset? Some dude must have died in war, I don’t know.”

“Okay, well, let me ask you this, then. How did you feel when you took Megan’s car without asking to go on that joy ride?”

“If she didn’t want me using her car, she shouldn’t have left her keys out,” I yawned.

“Did you have a plan to take the car? Or was it just an urge? Impulse?”

“She left the keys. I took the keys. I drove the car. It’s not that hard to understand,” I spat, crossing my arms. Dr. Halloway scribbled away in his notes and I felt the tightening in my chest start again.

“I see…”

Forcing the memory out of my mind, I turned down the corner of his block into a pleasant neighborhood. It wasn’t upper class, but a comfortable middle. The homes had neat, manicured lawns, and children out playing in the front yards.

Dr. Halloway’s home was about halfway down the block. His BMW SUV sat in the driveway, and lights shone inside. Without hesitation, I hummed my Für Elise tune in my mind and knocked on the door.

“Tara? What’s going on?” Dr. Halloway asked as he opened the door, his tie untied, and hanging from his neck.

“Can I crash on your couch until tomorrow morning? I’ll be taking the train out of town, and they won’t let me buy a ticket until I’m eighteen, which happens tomorrow,” I asked, gauging his mood and energy.

“You should be at the Haven House and…”

“Well, I’m obviously not. Please, just for one night. I’ll be gone before you wake up.” I watched his eyes subtly scan my chest, and I sighed deeply, allowing my breasts to rise and fall, watching him suck in a sharp breath.

“This is completely unethical. You’re my patient and…”

“It’s fine. I’ll find somewhere else to go, Timothy,” I interrupted, turning to walk away.

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