Page 313 of Rage

Adam

Oh, my dear Lord, help me. I know this is wrong. I know it is.

But it feels so…unreal.That's the only word for it, and the only thought keeping me from running away. With my hands on the tile wall, and the steam billowing around me so thick that I can't see the opposite end of the shower, I can pretend this is a dream.

Maybe it is a dream. Because what he's doing to me right now cannot be a real thing. People don't dothis. Do they?

His tongue swipes over me in slow, soft licks before he presses the tip against me. He swirls it around my rim, teasing it into my opening, flicks it back and forth and then prods again. It tickles and soothes and sends little shivers of electricity into my balls. The head of my penis is dripping again. I don't know if that's normal. Maybe I should see a doctor. Maybe I should see multiple doctors to discuss the insatiable need that's been unlocked inside me, to touch and be touched. I'd talk to a preacher, but I'm not comfortable talking to Pastor Reynard. I'm too afraid he'll tell my father, and that I'll be disowned. I'm an adult. It's not like they can send me to Deliverance Summit against my will, but they can hold Seminary over me, my home,my livelihood. I have nothing without the financial support of my family and my place in the church.

I need to stop this. I've given into temptation and fallen too far.

Tears stream down my face. Confused tears that come unbidden. I don't want to admit that this might be the most amazing thing I've ever felt in my life. It's so intimate and weirdly soothing. I receive his tongue like an offering and take it. Willingly. Enthusiastically.

My hips rock involuntarily as I press back against him, unsure of what I'm chasing. Then his tongue slips inside me, and a bolt of awareness shoots straight through me, more potent than the icy waters of the baptism tub. It's a revelation. A baptism of a different kind. And I'm drowning in it.

What he's doing to me is turning me inside out.

Levi Asher is temptation. But he's also my friend. I've never felt so comfortable around another person, safe to be my true self. Since the moment I met him, I've basked in his presence. He's light personified—he'd never lead me astray on purpose.

Will he forgive me for tempting him in the same way? Will God forgive us if we atone for our sins?

Unable to stop the tears and contradictory thoughts, I resort to the only thing I've ever known for comfort.

Levi's mouth leaves me for a brief moment, and I want to cry harder. "Are you praying?"

"No. Don't… Please don't stop."

"It’s okay. Pray for us, baby. Let me hear the words, and I'll show you God."

The words of the prayer leave me on a choked whisper, but they get stronger when Levi's finger replaces his tongue. He stands behind me, whispering the words along with me. We repeat it several times, while Levi's soap-slicked finger sinks inside me and his other hand wraps around my erection. Theshock of the foreign stretch and the warm rush of his breath against the back of my neck distract me from the words I've known by heart since I was three years old. Staggered breaths blot out words until they're coming out in breathless pants and a broken, staccato rhythm.

"Our Father…"breath"…your name…"whimper"…kingdom come…"moan"…your will… be… done… heaven…"breath"give us… forgive us…"cry"lead us… temptation…"deepmoan.

Before I can even attempt the end of the prayer, I'm delivered straight into the fire. The heat of it rips through my veins and explodes deep inside me. Blinding white light flashes behind my clenched eyelids and I convulse. My cries echo off the glass walls of the shower.

"That's right, let it all go. I've got you, baby. You're milking my fingers so good."

He keeps massaging inside me, some magic spot that I didn't know existed, murmuring soft words and encouragement. He did exactly what he said he would.

I swear I really did see God just now.

The physical and mental release takes me out, and I lose control of my limbs. My legs turn to jelly. Levi pulls his fingers out of me and guides me to the floor of the shower, where I collapse against him. Part of me wants to ask him to leave, not wanting him to witness what is sure to be a pathetic display of weakness. But I can't find the words, and there's a large part of me that wants him to stay.

Levi doesn't hesitate to wrap his arms around me, kissing my wet forehead and holding me while sobs wrack through me. He whispers that I'm okay, I'll be okay, he's here.He's here.

Eventually, I come back to myself and realize I have no idea how long we've been in the shower.

"What time is it?" I croak, pulling away and standing up so fast my vision gets fuzzy.

I barely acknowledge Levi as I scramble out of the shower, grabbing a towel on my way to check the time on my alarm clock.Damnit!I'm definitely going to be late.

Stumbling around, I do a poor job of drying myself off before tugging on a new pair of dress pants and a button-down shirt. I throw a tie around my shoulders and nearly forget my jacket, which I run back into the closet to get. I nearly collide with Levi, who is wearing nothing but a towel.

I curse under my breath.Levi.I won't have time to drop him back at the church to get his car, and his house isn't on the way either.

"Would you mind coming with me? I'm so sorry I lost track of time. I didn't mean to ruin your afternoon. I know you were going to go see your sister, but if I'm any later than I'm already going to be, then I'll have to explain?—"

"Slow down. Take a breath," he says. He steps up to me and arranges my tie before tying it for me, talking to me in a low murmur that lulls me into a sense of calm. "I can visit my sister tomorrow. It's fine. But if I go with you, it might look suspicious. I'll call a car to pick me up." He gives me a sweet smile and tugs on my tie, pulling me in to place a gentle kiss to my lips that stuns me more than all the dirty things we've done so far.

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