Page 10 of Celestial Alphas

“Yeah, but you like it. You like me.” He takes another step closer.

I straighten my back. “I never said that.”

“No, you’re right, but that kiss told me everything. Your eyes tell me everything. It’s that sparkle in your eye, or maybe it’s your Nexus. I’m not sure, but I know you like it. Me.” He takes another step and now we are so close. Too close.

“No, murder is not good, Finn,” I whisper, “and for the record, I hate you.”

“I hate that you left me too, Sun,” he growls right back. “But I know you did it to save me. I know you’re fucking amazing, and there is no hiding from me now. I murdered the right people, just like you do. They were annoying fuckheads that had all done serious crimes and were dead anyway. I made a public show ofdragging them into the streets and lining their bodies up like an art piece. You would have loved it.”

“Insaneis not a strong enough word for you.” I shake my head.

“I like the titlehero.” He is completely unfazed by my obvious horror. I actually think he likes it. My Nexus is practically drooling and happily swearing her entire life to him over this. Great, she isn’t on my side. “Anyway, it was a fun day. Do you want me to tell you about it? We can compare notes.”

“No. I don’t like murdering people, Finn. She does. It’s not something I do for, like, a recreational sport like tennis,” I mutter and sit on the bed, closing my eyes. “I’ve spent my entire life holding her back, begging her not to kill and just behave. She loves killing. I do not.”

He looks down at me. “Our Nexus are extensions of our true selves. You are a good person with a weapon that can destroy evil in our world. It’s a fine line, but you’re in denial. I don’t care either way what you want to tell yourself for now; I just want to be near you.”

I look up into his endless black eyes that are beautiful like the night sky. “You gave me up. You promised, and I trusted you. Do you know how many people I’ve ever trusted?”

“I did not willingly give you up. Onyx’s father had us surrounded when I brought you back to the house. I walked straight into a fucking trap like a moron, and I shouldn’t have. There was no choice. You were unconscious and you would have been severely hurt if I tried to fight them. But I would have, for you, if I thought they were going to kill you. I knew they wouldn’t. You’re too powerful. You’re too much of a tempting weapon for Onyx’s cunt of a father,” he explains. He didn’t give up on me. What Paavo said wasn’t true? It changes so much. Too much.

“You don’t like him either?”

“No, he’s an asshole. I don’t think even Onyx likes him.” He watches me.

“It’s his dad.”

“He’s still an asshole,” he counters.

I rub my arm. “Everything is messed up. You still betrayed me, Finn. You could have just let me go.”

“First, I couldn’t let you go, and you passed out. I was caring for you. No, I can’t do that. I can never do that now. I never betrayed you, but I did make a mistake. I fucked up.” He touches my chin with his hand, tipping my face up. “Give me a chance.”

I can’t. That’s what I want to scream. I want to shout and cry that I want for once to be normal. To be the one my mates willingly chose to spend their lives with and love me every day. I want to be chosen, not second best, not forgotten, not betrayed. I open and shut my mouth because I just don’t know what to say that could explain how I feel. I really don’t.

He kneels in front of me. Literally kneels. This powerful, dangerous assassin is on his knees for me. He picks up my hands, places them on my lap before he rests his head on my hands. My heart races as he kisses my hands and sends heat spinning through my body from the simple kiss.

“I will beg for you. I will do anything. You want me on my knees? I’ll be on my fucking knees forever. You want me to murder this whole entire city? I will fucking murder this entire city, and we can remake a world that bows for you. There’s no line I wouldn’t cross for you. There’s no place I wouldn’t go. There’s no darkness I wouldn’t completely drench myself in to save you. I’ve been obsessed, fucking obsessed, since I met you. I was obsessed before just at the idea of my mate. Nothing ever compared, no one ever did. It was just you. The moment I saw you, Gods as my witness, I wanted to fucking hate you so bad. I was jealous and angry and so many things. I thought you rejected me, but I can see it now. You rejected me to saveme. I’ll probably never in a lifetime be able to make up for how much of a dick I’ve been. But I’m never going to stop trying, Sun, even if you never accept me back. Everything starts now. I’m making sure you’re not alone. One night was far too fucking much, and when I saw you in the trial, your lip cut and how tired you looked… Fuck.” He stares into my soul, right down to the stardust that makes us both. “I won’t ask who did that to you, because I don’t need to know. I only need to make sure I’m by your side so that no one has the chance to hurt you again.”

“I don’t know how to accept what you’re telling me. I thought I’d always be alone and hated,” I whisper. I feel the tears falling down my cheeks, even before he wipes them away. So gently. This massive, crazy man touches me like I’m breakable. Like I’m not a monster. Could this be real? “How can you want me?”

My heart races as he runs his hands up my thighs. “I want you more than I want to breathe, Sun.” Heat flows through my body. My Nexus is practically screamingyes, yes, go for itin my mind. But she’s never been logical. This would be more than just a kiss. It would be forgiving him. Forgiving myself. This is Finn and he is one of my mates. “Fuck it, I’ll show you.” He slams his lips onto mine, taking the decision out of both of our hands, of him begging, of me making a choice in the first place to forgive him. Thank Gods, I’m so fucking thankful he does.

His hands dip into my hair, gripping my hair roughly as he controls the kiss. Controls me. I bite his lip, and he smiles like a lunatic. He kisses me, devours me with each stroke of his lips until there’s nothing between us as he pushes me back onto the bed. His huge body somehow perfectly aligns with mine, fits perfectly against me as he deepens the kiss. I breathlessly touch his chest and break the kiss. His eyes are so dark, like swirling pits of the deep sky. “Finn, can we take things slow? Trusting you…it’s going to take time. I don’t think I know how to trust anyone.”

“As much as I want to fuck you and take you as my mate, it will be your choice. Everything is your choice,” he promises, kissing me softly just once.

“Mating is a big step, but it’s not just that. Just so you know, there are cameras watching us.” He grabs the thin blanket and pulls it over us both.

His smirk sends shivers down my spine, right between my legs. “Then keep quiet this time. I need to make you feel good. Just once.”

My mouth feels dry, and I realise I’m nervous. I haven’t been nervous like this for a long time. “I’ve never…”

His eyes shoot to mine. “Not with that Harris guy or someone else?”

I shake my head. “Harry.” I say his name softly, grief still raw in my chest. “He was like a brother to me, and there was no one for the record.”

“I’m sorry he’s gone.” Finn kisses my cheek. “No thinking about any other man while you’re in bed with me. When you’re with me, it’s me. No one else.”

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