Page 58 of Starts With a Bang

It was better to rip that Band-Aid off. I’d allowed the wound to fester long enough. I tilted my head to the back door. “Let’s check out the fire pit. It might be nice to sit around it later and drink warm beverages.”

“Sounds great. I’ll grab our coats.”

A fancy propane fireplace sat in the middle of the pit. Christian opened the cabinet underneath and fiddled around until flames rose from the glass rocks on top. He pushed a few buttons, and the fire climbed higher.

Who should speak first? Christian was the one who initiated a conversation, so shouldn’t he be the one to break the ice? I kept my mouth shut and let him find the words to speak when he was ready. I checked the rest of the patio setup while he toyed with the fireplace remote. There were several patio heaters situated around the seating area to help ward off the cold. I turned a few of those on and removed the covers from the chairs. The cushions were dry but cold beneath my ass. Considering my previous activities, the chill felt good.

Christian eventually sat down. He planted his elbows on his knees and stared at the fire for several moments before he turned his head and met my gaze. “I loved Emerson first.”

It wasn’t the conversation starter I expected. “Excuse me?”

“Fuck.” Christian blew out a frustrated breath and scrubbed his hands over his face. “I’m sorry.”

“To be clear, what are you apologizing for? Sleeping with my husband or starting this conversation with a combative remark?”

“I didn’t sleep with Emerson while you were married,” Christian said. At my pointed look, he cleared his throat. “Well, I did, but not until after you’d officially separated. What you walked in on that day…”

“Was you in bed with my husband.”

“Cut the shit, Dom,” Christian growled. “We were both dressed and above the covers. I’d just helped him make the bed after the furniture store delivered it. Emerson said he needed help setting it up because you wouldn’t make time for him. We’d just flopped down to see how it felt.”

I snorted. “Bet Emerson told you a lot of things that weren’t true.” I held up my hand when Christian opened his mouth to respond. “I know what I saw, Chris. You were lying so close together. Barely a foot separated you, and you were holding hands. I recognized the expression in Emerson’s eyes as he stared at you, and you—”

“Looked like a besotted fool.”

“Yes.”

“Because I was,” Christian agreed. “And I had been since the first day I met Emerson in college. We became inseparable friends immediately, but I always wanted more. I brought him home to meet my family over the holiday break a year later so he could get a look at the future he could have with me.” Christian inhaled, and his nostrils flared. “I just didn’t expect him to find that with you.” The raw sadness in his voice tugged at my heart.

“I didn’t know.”

Christian nodded. “The two of you only had eyes for each other.”

“If I’d known, I wouldn’t have pursued him,” I said.

“And I think you believe it,” Christian said, staring into the flames. “You probably would’ve tried to deflect his interest, but Emerson had made up his mind about you the instant your eyes met. He’d have never let you go. Knowing I’d never have him for myself, I settled for what I could have. I stood up for you at your wedding and cried in private for my lost dreams. I forced myself to date and try to find someone else who sparked that same fire inside me.” He smiled sadly. “I even came close a time or two, but Emerson always reeled me back in.” Christian turnedand looked at me. “There was never anything physical between us. Em just knew the perfect things to do or say to ensnare my attention and hold it. Next thing I knew, I was blowing off dates and forgetting important anniversaries with boyfriends to spend time with him while your career was taking off.”

“Sounds like Emerson.”

“Pretty sure I realized how unhappy he was in your marriage before either of you did. He started inviting me to do things with him he’d normally ask you to do. Museum openings and curated events he’d set up. That kind of stuff. When I pressed him about why he hadn’t asked you, he’d just say you were busy or that you didn’t like artsy kind of stuff.”

“I didn’t, but I attended those things anyway because he was my husband. I worked long hours to pay our bills so he could focus on obtaining his master’s degree and PhD. When you love someone, those are the kinds of sacrifices you make. But Emerson had to always be number one. He resented my time away, even though I did it to make his dreams come true.”

Christian shook his head. “Nothing is ever good enough for him. I think that’s why he pursued me. He wanted to hurt you.” He swallowed hard. “I want to believe I didn’t encourage his attention, but I was too consumed with him to consider your feelings.”

“That’s usually how affairs work,” I replied. “And you engaged in an affair with my husband. Emotional cheating still counts. I won’t let you off the hook for that. I am sorry that I unknowingly hurt you in the beginning, Christian, but you intentionally stabbed me in the back. We must acknowledge that if we hope to have some kind of relationship someday.” I waited for the denial to come, but it didn’t.

Christian held my gaze. “You’re absolutely right. I’m sorry for how I betrayed you. I’ve regretted it every day since. Laying the blame solely at Emerson’s feet would be unfair. I encouraged hisanger and outrage anytime he complained about your marriage, and it enabled him to treat you poorly. I can’t expect you to forgive and forget. Hell, I don’t think I’ll ever forgive the role I played in destroying our family.” Christian looked over his shoulder toward the house. “I wasn’t paying a bit of attention to my mother’s mental and physical decline. I have so much to make up for, and I’m not even sure where to start.”

“This conversation is a good place,” I told him.

Christian looked at me with a mixture of hope and disbelief in his expression. “Hardly.”

I held up my palms. “I’m not making any promises. You and I will have to take this one baby step at a time. I think your mom needs you the most right now. Dissolving my six-year marriage was complicated enough, so I can’t imagine how overwhelmed she is right now.”

“I won’t let her down,” Christian said. “She can count on my full support.”

“Mine too. I’m going to give her some advice on how to ensure John won’t hide assets from her divorce attorney. They’ll hire a forensic accountant to make sure he hadn’t already engaged in underhanded tactics since he’d apparently planned to leave her.”

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