Did Ireallywant to leave Bluehaven? Everything and everyone I knew was here. And no doubt my father would be“thrilled”with me deciding to pack up and move to Washington with some guy I’d known for a handful of months.
“Well, there’s no point in it,” I said, sighing. “The timing is all wrong.”
“The timing,” he echoed.
I nodded. “He’s about to move to join the FBI and who knows where he’ll go after that?”
“Seriously? You go with him,” Seth said.
“And be what? A louse?” I asked.
“Yes, I’m sure you’d beperfectlycontent to just lay around Alex’s apartment doing nothing,” Seth said. “No. You—I don’t know—pay half the bills and make more movies. Get a hobby. You’ve never worried about any of this crap before.”
“Seth, I don’t think my father is playing this time. He’ll expect me to stop after this. As he keeps reminding me, I need to grow up and stop with all these passion projects.”
“So?” Seth asked. “Tell him off and make it on your own.”
I sighed and leaned back in my chair, gazing upward at the black and steel rafters of the building. “I don’t know if I can,” I said. “You realize I’ve never actuallyworkedfor anything in my life, don’t you? Neither have you, for that matter.”
“No, but millions of people do it,” Seth said. “Surely, you could do it. As enthusiastic as you are.”
“And if my relationship with Alex goes downhill?” I asked.
Like so many others had. Sure, some had been quiet and amicable. Like my interest in Mark. He’d been attractive, talented, and gracious enough to turn me down gently. Our friendship had survived, and he still covered for me, sometimes with my father. He was a true friend, and Logan was lucky to have him.
But they hadn’t all been like that.
“You make the jump and it might go downhill, don’t make the jump and the valley will instantly rise up to meet you."
“Then, what?” I asked. “If I go for this, it’s all-in. There’s no backing out. And my father will kill me. I can’t count on him just forgiving me and everything being okay after that.”
“But eventually,” Seth said, “You’re going to have to get over your fear of commitment, one way or another.”
“Is that what you think I have?” I asked. “Fear of commitment?”
“Think it? I know it. Just once, take the plunge. For me,” Seth said, grinning.
I stood and stretched, vying for time. Seth’s eyes remained fixed on me, clearly refusing to deviate from this conversation.
“You’re far too interested inmyrelationships,” I said, trying to make light of it. “You know that?”
Seth crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow. “I’m your friend, and I’m Alex’s friend. It’s right to be interested.”
“Still, Alex is joining the FBI,” I pointed out. “That’s his dream, and I don’t want to interfere with that. What if I confessed, and he threw away that opportunity to stay in Bluehaven and be a make-up artist for a couple more weeks? Or just to stay with me?”
“It’s his choice to make,” Seth said.
I shook my head. There were just too many ways that this could all go wrong and make things worse for both Alex and me, and the best thing to do would be to forget all of this. But just thinking about Alex made my heartbeat quicken. The thought of not acknowledging my own thoughts caused an ache to twist in my chest, coiling up tighter and tighter. Maybe this was cowardly.
But I knew I couldn’t survive on my own. I never had before. And I couldn’t throw everything away for a relationship that might not work out. Nor could I expect anyone to do that for me.
“The best thing to do,” I said, speaking even as I thought it over, “Is to let Alex work here until he has to leave. I’ll avoid him as much as possible.”
Seth jolted to his feet. “Are youserious?” he asked.
“Completely,” I said. “If he likes me, it’ll make it easier if I—”
“If you tell him you like him back!” Seth interrupted. “For God’s sake! There’s nothing complicated here. If it were me, I’d tell him!”