Page 60 of Jett in Jeopardy

What the hell had I done? How could I have let this happen?

All this time, I’d been worried about what would happen if I fell in love with Jett. What would happen if I loved him and lost him? Yet here I was, already in love with him, and I’d lost him because I’d pushed him away.

I laughed before I could stop myself, the sound bitter and humorless even in the wind.

“I’ve fucked everything up so badly,” I whispered, but I knew Ryan would hear me, anyway. “It hurt so much when I lost you. I thought it would kill me, and I almost wished it had. It felt wrong to live the life we’d planned together alone, but I didn’t know what else to do, so I just kept doing it. I felt like I was on autopilot, and everything felt like muscle memory. I was so checked out at the beginning.

“But Cilla and Daniel kicked my ass and brought me back into the world. Somehow, I got myself together. I don’t know how, and I was sure if I ever had to face anything like losing you again, I wouldn’t survive it, not a second time. So, I promised myself not to get involved with anyone seriously ever again. It wasn’t a hard promise to keep, actually. There was no one around who I wanted to get involved with—then I met Jett.”

I thought of the first night Jett had come into the bar. He’d been filled with the kind of blind confidence you really only had in your twenties, wild and laughing. I still remembered how his pants had clung to his ass, his sheer shirt offering a teasing glimpse of his smooth chest.

He’d been gorgeous, sexy, and I hadn’t been able to drag my gaze away from him the whole night. It was like seeing the sun for the first time after a long, gray winter.

Later that same night, I’d inadvertently walked in on him going down on some guy in the bathroom, and never in my life had I wanted to drag someone away and take over like I did in that moment.

Even after the bar closed and I’d fallen into bed, I couldn’t get the image out of my head. Only if he’d been on his knees for me, and it had been my cock sliding back and forth between those perfect lips. I’d wrapped my hand around my dick and jerked off to the image that night—and plenty more nights after.

God, I’d wanted him then, but I knew he’d be dangerous to my carefully curated life, where I didn’t let myself feel too much of anything. I did my best to ignore him, which was tough when he’d spent the better part of the past three plus years throwing himself at me.

I smirked at the memory. I still wanted him as much as I ever did. Especially now that I knew him. He wasn’t just beautiful and sexy; he was fun, and god, he could make laugh.

This last month, I’d felt alive again for the first time in years, and since Jett had gone, I could feel that same dull, lifeless existence I’d been living before returning, rolling through me like gathering fog slowly blotting out the light.

“I was afraid to let myself love him because I didn’t want to risk the hurt of losing someone I loved again. But it’s too late. I’m already in love with him.” I drew in a deep breath. The cold air tasted like the sea. “Daniel believes you wouldn’t want me to be alone, that you would want me to be happy. I know he’s right, because I would want those things for you.”

I dragged my fingers through my tangled hair, worse now that the wind had been whipping the long tresses around my face.

“Am I nuts for doing this? He’s younger than me, and I don’t know what kind of future we’d even have together.” Standing on the beach and asking my long-dead husband questions probably said more about my sanity than questioning the kind of life Jett and I would have. “I don’t even know if we have a future since I ghosted him.”

Could I fix this? If collapsed to my knees in front of Jett and begged for forgiveness, would he forgive me for being such an ass?

“God damn, Ryan, I wish you could give me a sign. Let me know if you’re okay with this or if I’m making a huge mistake.”

The sun started to rise behind me, shimmering light like liquid gold on the edges of the deep blue waves. My shadow stretched long over the sand.

Overhead, a seagull squawked and swooped toward the water… and then shit on my shoulder.

For a moment, I stood frozen before pulling my hoody out from my chest a bit to get a better glance at the white glob streaking the dark gray fabric. The bird had nailed me in the exact same place, on the same shoulder, as the seagull that shitted on me when I’d stood here with Ryan on our first date.

I laughed and shook my head. As signs went, this one was pretty much on the nose.

“Okay, Ryan,” I said, into the wind and the waves. “Point taken. I know what I have to do.”

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Jett

Iwaitednearlytwofull days before finally getting up the nerve to go back to Brody’s for my things. A part of me was tempted to just leave it all and start fresh, so I could avoid running into him. I didn’t want to look like some clingy hanger-on who couldn’t take a hint.

However, the much more practical part of me remembered that I still didn’t have a job and wanted to avoid having to go to my father for money for as long as possible. I really couldn’t walk away from the bulk of my belongings just because I didn’t want to run into the latest guy to break up with me.

Break up with you? Wouldn’t he have had to have been your boyfriend or for you to have at least been dating for him to break up with you?

I tightened my grip on the steering wheel, doing my best to ignore that ugly little voice in my head—even if itwasright—and stay focused on following the winding road into The Square. Outside, it was dull and gloomy. Slate-colored clouds hung low and thick. Over the last couple of days, the temperature had gone up a few degrees. Not enough to really warm up, but enough to turn the air damp and for a thin mist to roll in from the ocean.

It was the kind of day you wanted to be inside, drinking hot chocolate, curled up on the couch under a blanket and watching Christmas movies while feeling sorry for yourself. Well, I wanted to do those things, and once I finished at Brody’s, that was exactly the plan. And If I found myself wishing Brody was cuddled on the sofa next to me, just like we used to do when I’d been staying at his place, even though he’d been a complete jerk, well, no one else had to know.

Had it really only been a month since I’d walked into The Dunes after getting fired? Since I’d wound up too drunk to even get myself home and Brody had been forced to haul me up to his apartment to sleep it off.

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