Page 45 of Secret Daddies

“Fuck, Maya,” she murmured, after a long pause, shaking her head. “That’s…that’s a lot. A wholehellof a lot.”

“Yeah, tell me about it,” I sighed, letting my hand rest on my stomach for a moment. I still couldn’t figure out how Taylor had clocked there was something different about the way I looked when I felt as though I was barely showing, but I guess he had been around a pregnant woman in an intimate setting before. Either way, he’d gotten the truth out of me, and that was all that mattered now.

“So Taylor knows? What about the others?”

“I have no idea,” I admitted. “But I can’t imagine he’s going to keep it from them for long. He was pissed that I hid Matty from Devon for such a long time, he probably feels like they deserve to know, or something…”

“You don’t think they do?” she asked gently.

“It’s not that,” I protested. “It’s just…it’s just that I don’t know which one of them is actually the father. And it doesn’t feel fair to get them wondering about it until I have a straight answer.”

“And which one do you want it to be?”

Now, that was a question I hadn’t been entirely prepared for. I knew it was fair enough—after all, we were talking about three whole separate guys here, and there should be one that I hoped for above the rest. But when I thought of them, all of them…I knew it wasn’t that easy.

Taylor would be the obvious choice, given that he was already settled with a daughter of his own, and had shown how good he was with kids—but he was furious with me, and with good reason. Devon and I had a history—and a child together already—but after the way he’d left with no warning, I didn’t know if I could trust him again. And Lee was charming and Matty clearly adored him, but what about his reputation? Could he ever really settle with one woman like that, or would he always be searching for something else, something more?

“I have no idea,” I blurted out finally, and I felt tears stinging my eyes. I blinked them back quickly. God, I hated this. I hated this entire mess. I should never have taken this job. I never would have, if I had known that Devon was part of the cast. But now…now, it wasn’t as though it was just him I had to worry about. No, I had a whole collection of men who I had some seriously chaotic relationships with, and I didn’t know what it was going to take to sift through them and come out the other side without blowing up my entire life in the process.

Lana reached across the table, giving my hand a squeeze.

“You know I’ll be there for you no matter what, right?” she promised me. I nodded, managing to plaster a smile onto my face.

“I know that,” I murmured. “Thank you. I’m going to need all the help I can get, with two kids to think of now…”

“I mean, I know this is crazy, but I’m excited to be an aunt again,” she replied, grinning. “I’m going to spoil the hell out of this baby, I hope you know that.”

“Yeah, I’ve seen how you treat Matty,” I teased. “I know what you’re like.”

She laughed, and tightened her grip on my hand slightly.

“See? It’s going to be okay. Whether any of them are involved or not. You’ve done such an amazing job with Matty, and he’ll be the best big brother ever.”

“He will,” I agreed. But there was a nagging pang in my stomach—a reminder, whether I wanted it or not, that this wasn’t about whether I could do it, whether I could raise a child myself. But rather, whether I wanted to do it without any of them in my life.

And I didn’t want to lose them.

“I just don’t know what’s going to happen when the shoot is over,” I confessed. “They’ll have their own lives to get back to, and they probably won’t have any time for me…”

“Or you can figure something out with…I don’t know, with one of them?” she suggested. I pulled a face.

“It doesn’t feel right, being with just one of them,” I admitted. “Not after what we did the other night. It was so…it felt sogood, being with all three of them. Like they balanced each other out. I don’t want to lose that, not if I can help it.”

Her eyebrows shot upward, and she let out a slight surprised laugh.

“Wow, I can’t say that I ever took you for a polyamory girl,” she teased me. “All three of them? You’re getting greedy…”

I managed to laugh too. She was right. I had been so careful to keep my personal life free and clear all this time—to suddenly find myself involved with three men at once felt crazy.

“I guess I’m making up for lost time,” I suggested. “All those years just being a mom, and now I’ve been a little selfish…”

“You’re not being selfish,” she replied, shaking her head. “You’re perfectly within your rights to go after whatever it is you want. You know that, right? You’ve been an amazing mom to Matty, and yeah, maybe you should have told Devon sooner, but you had your reasons for keeping it to yourself. And getting involved with the guys—as long as they all knew what they were getting into, then there’s nothing to be ashamed of, right?”

I smiled at her. God, she had no idea how grateful I was for her in that moment. I could always count on her to have my back, even when it felt like I’d made nothing but mistakes.

“Thanks, Lana.”

“It’s true,” she replied. “You’re allowed to go after whatever it is you want, Maya. Just because you’re a mom doesn’t mean you have to sacrifice your entire life for Matty, or this new baby. You get to have wants and needs of your own.”

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