Page 64 of Count On Me

“Stop that! She’s right. You just controlled that panic attack like a boss,” I preen a little at Angie’s compliment, but she doesn’t see it because she’s already turned her attention to her phone as a notification rings out. “It’s Jaxson.”

There’s his name again. My heart flutters at the sound of it, but my head reminds me of the pain I’ve endured because of him and shuts my heart down.

“I’m going to lie down.” My voice sounds terribly robotic, devoid of all emotion, but it’s the only way to keep myself safe from the emotions threatening to take over. As I walk into the bedroom, I pull my phone out of the robe pocket and place it on the bed next to me as I sit down. I know he’s texted me too. And for the first time since the night before the attack, I open the thread up and read his texts.

Skimming over the ones he sent me when my phone was in ‘do not disturb’ mode, I bring my attention to his latest ones.

Jaxson

I’m sorry, baby. I’m sorry for being a douche and never telling you how I felt.

Jaxson

I’m sorry you felt any form of pain because of me. I never wanted that.

Jaxson

I’m sorry you got dragged into this.

Jaxson

I’m sorry I fucked us up.

Jaxson

But I’m not sorry for our time together. It was the happiest time of my life.

Jaxson

Please tell me it’s not over.

Jaxson

I love you, Eddie. Always have and always will. Hawaii.

Jaxson

I know you don’t believe me. Or you do but you don’t want to believe me. But it’s the truth.

Jaxson

I’ve always loved you.

Jaxson

I think I fell in love the first time I saw you.

Jaxson

All frowny and pouty because you wanted to read Harry Potter.

Jaxson

Did you know I’ve planned our wedding in my head a million times? No? I didn't think so. But I have.

Jaxson

You’re wearing a white dress, obviously, and I’m wearing a white tux. We have flowers everywhere. Not one color either, all different ones. Your mom walks you down the aisle to our song and you grin at me as I turn and catch my first glimpse of you.

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