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“Fuck our families. I don’t care about their history or their grudges. I only care about you.”

“Sebastian.” His name escapes my lips, barely a whisper.

“I know, Lil. I know I fucked up. But I love you. I’m in love with you. And I’ll do whatever it takes to prove it to you, to make you see that what we have is real.”

The words hang in the air between us as I bite my lips, tasting the blood on my tongue.

“Will you let me use my pretend card?” he asks. “One day? An evening?”

He looks so defeated, and it breaks me. I don’t need to pretend. I want to throw myself at him and kiss him.

That’s the problem.

Because what if… what if, in the end, he decides to leave me too?

His hand falls limply to his side. “Go take care of your Jason.”

The words are a slap to my face, and I clutch his wrist tighter, scared of losing the last connection we have.

It’s over. Isn’t it?

I tried to imagine how it would be, that it would be better that way, but it’s not. Again, I wasn’t able to make the decision. Only this time, it’s not because someone else took it from me, but because I was unable…

Why?

Why can’t I say yes, at least?

I don’t want to lose him.

“Seb—”

“Lil?” Jason calls out.

Sebastian removes my hand and walks past me.

I stand there frozen, listening to his fading footsteps.

This is the moment in my novels where the lady would be brave enough to fight for her duke, to tell him how she truly feels before it’s too late.

But somehow, the novels never mention this numbing feeling that spreads through my body, paralyzing me. My feet arerooted to the ground, and my tongue feels heavy in my mouth, unable to form the words I so desperately want to say.

In the stories, the heroine always finds the courage to speak her truth, to bare her soul to the man she loves. She would chase after him, her skirts billowing behind her as she runs, calling out his name until he turns to face her.

And then, in a breathless declaration, she would confess her love for him, society and family feuds be damned. The duke would take her in his arms, and they would share a passionate kiss, sealing their fate as star-crossed lovers who fought against all odds to be together.

I let out a bitter laugh. I’m just a girl standing in a hallway, watching the man I love slip away because I’m too afraid to take a chance on us. So I stay silent, even as every fiber of my being screams at me to go after him, to take that leap of faith.

“Lil? You coming back?” Jason peeks out of the infirmary.

Back to reality. I nod and wipe my eyes as I return to Jason, who sits at the same spot, ice pack pressed to his eye.

I frown. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah.”

“What happened?”

“Bash just came at me. Started going on about how this was all my fault, that I was the reason you left him.” Jason shrugs, avoiding my gaze. “Before I knew what was happening, he hit me.”

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