Page 100 of Closer

“Yeah, it’s not easy. It’s confusing.”

Her expression turns serious. “I’m going to be straight with you. I don’t like this, you living with Sebastian. Not after the way he hurt you.”

I open my mouth to protest, but she holds up a hand, cutting me off.

“I know, I know. He’s trying to make amends or whatever. But leopards don’t change their spots. Not really.”

“It’s temporary,” I say, but the words are hollow even to my own ears. “Until I can find a new place.”

“And how’s that going? The apartment hunt?”

“I haven’t exactly… started looking yet. It’s only been a few days.”

“A few days. Nothing else holding you back?”

“I… I don’t know what he wants from me. One minute he’s all charm and flirtation, the next… It’s like… well… like we’re both afraid to step over the line.”

“Lil.” She puts her cup down. “I love you, but are you sure about this? About him?”

“I don’t know,” I whisper, my voice cracking. “I thought I was, but now… Now I’m not so sure.”

“Look, sometimes history is better left in the past, you know?”

I chew on my lip. “He’s different.”

“Is he, though? Or is he saying what you want to hear?”

Ouch. That stings.

She reaches across the table, squeezing my hand. “I don’t want to see you get hurt again. Last time was…”

Days, no, months of crying. I walked around like a zombie. Gem and Mary tried to talk to me, but I never told them what happened. Then, after feeling a bit better, Juliana told me that she had seen Sebastian with Blake. It broke my heart all over again.

“I know. I was a mess. But this time…” I fiddle with my mug, searching for the right words. “He’s more… attentive. Like he’s really trying to understand me.”

“And you believe him?”

“I want to.”

“But?” Mary asks.

“I don’t know if I can trust him. Not completely. Not yet.”

“Then don’t. Take it slow. See where it goes,” she says. “But promise me one thing?”

“What’s that?”

“If he fucks up again, you’ll kick his ass to the curb. No second chances. Or, well, third chances in this case.”

“Deal. But enough about me.” I wave a hand. “What’s new with you? How are things with Connor?”

Mary’s cheeks flush. “Good. Really good, actually. The wedding preparations are a lot.”

I lean forward. “Oh? Do tell.”

We finish our drinks, and Mary gives me a full run-down on her plans, the decorations, the caterers, and her mother acting like Bridezilla. But my mind keeps drifting back to Sebastian. To the way he looks at me when he thinks I’m not watching. To the gentle way he touches me, like I’m something precious.

I want to believe in him. In us.

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