Page 17 of Renegade

“What?” He grinned at me.

“The way you’re eating that banana is making me horny.”

He laughed, sucking on it a few times before finally shoving it all the way into his mouth and chewing. He looked utterly lewd. When he finished swallowing, he repeated his question. “Now, what had you up in the middle of the night?”

“Honestly, I wanted to ask you something, but you probably won’t be able to tell me anything anyway, so I don’t know if I should.”

He frowned. “You can ask me anything, Raven. It doesn’t mean I can tell you everything about my past, but you should know I’ll always try. I assume you want to ask me something about John, right?”

I nodded, feeling really wrong about asking him but if I didn’t run my questions by him, I probably wouldn’t sleep tonight either. The coffee beeped and I slid out of the booth as I began thinking of the right questions and how to phrase them. Now that he was sitting here, a lot of the things I’d been thinking about last night seemed stupid. I poured our coffees and brought them to the table, grabbing the half and half before pouring some into my cup.

“Thanks, Raven,” he said, lifting his cup as I set down the creamer.

I took a deep breath, slowly blowing it out as I decided to ask the question looming utmost in my mind. “How do you think John survived out there in the desert after the sandstorm and why didn’t he go back to base?”

Miguel frowned, shaking his head. “Believe me, Raven, ever since seeing him yesterday, I’ve asked myself that question a thousand times. As far as we knew, there weren’t any villages in the immediate area. Maybe we missed one somehow, though, I doubt it. We went back a few times searching for him, going in a wider perimeter with each foray. Our base commander called for drone searches and those were futile too. In the end, we were ordered out of the area because it was just too dangerous. Enemy troops had been spotted by that time. When the NCIS came outto question us, I got the feeling that they somehow blamed us for John’s disappearance.”

“Wait a minute,” I said. “So NCIS is a real thing?”

“What do you mean?” He frowned a little.

“NCIS…like the TV show. Is it a real thing? Like they investigate crimes and things?”

Miguel smirked. “Well, they don’t exactly have a Jethro Gibbs if that’s what you mean, but yeah, it’s the law enforcement branch of the Navy. They investigate any crimes committed against anyone in the Navy or Marine Corps or any crimes they’re suspected of having committed. They also investigate missing Naval and Marine personnel.”

“So, they thought you somehow…what? Killed Sutter and buried him out in the desert?”

Miguel shrugged. “It’s been known to happen. He was our team leader which could have meant he was a target for someone who held a grudge,” he said. “It took some convincing, but they finally accepted our recounting of the events from that day…that he’d somehow gotten lost during the storm.” He sipped his coffee. “I suppose it might look suspicious to someone who didn’t know how close knit our unit was.” He studied me. “I think there’s something else. What’s really on your mind, Raven?”

He knew me so well. “What if he was captured and held?” I drew more circles on the tabletop with my finger. I frowned as I looked up. “What if he was brainwashed…or maybe he still is?”

Miguel kept a straight face. “Trust me when I say, I’ve wondered all those things myself, Raven. I suppose it’s a likely scenario…not the brainwashing part…but there’s always a possibility John was captured and held for some reason.Usually, if a lone Marine or U.S. soldier is captured, they’re killed immediately. The fundamentalist shitheads love to show ‘infidels’ being murdered on the web. He could have been held prisoner…but then I wonder how in the hell he showed up out of the blue.”

“You’ve completely dismissed the brainwashing part?” I wondered why.

“Like he was subject to some kind of Stockholm Syndrome? You think he fought by my side for seven years and then suddenly turned traitor?”

I was embarrassed but I slowly nodded, feeling a lump in my throat. “He’s been missing for eleven years, Miguel. I understand you guys undergo extensive training to resist the enemy even under torture, but eleven years is a hell of a long time. You have to admit, it is a possibility.”

He ran his hand through his hair, standing abruptly. He grabbed his coffee mug and took it to the sink, dumping the leftovers into it, before turning to me. His face was a mask of anger. “John’s no traitor. He’s an American hero.”

I swallowed hard, watching him break eye contact and storm out of the room. The lump in my throat had moved to my stomach, forming a hard ball of shame. I should have never suggested that Miguel’s friend…his lover…might have formed an even deeper attachment to the enemy than he’d had with him or the others in his unit. I felt sick inside and I hated the fact that I’d upset Miguel.

I hated the fact that John Sutter had returned at all.

Chapter Six

MIGUEL

True to his word, Aston had returned the signed contract and retainer, couriering it over with Mrs. Flores’ address, and the name and number of his investigator. We arranged to meet him at her estate at ten. I figured we could meet with the investigator after that. I hadn’t discussed my plans with Raven, except to relay the message.

I hadn’t spoken to him again after that. I knew my reasons for keeping distance between us was mainly fueled by guilt and I’d never been good at apologizing. It made me seem like an asshole to most people, but Raven wasn’t most people. He was my partner.

I knew I had to suck up my feelings and just do it. The truth was, I felt bad about lashing out but the moment he’d questioned John’s loyalty to the country, I’d seen red. It had never crossed my mind for a second. Then again, Raven didn’t know the man I’d worked with, and bled with, and fallen in love with. When I’d confessed the differences about how I’d felt about John compared with how I’d felt about Raven, I’d meant every bit of it. Perhaps if John and I had time to flesh out our feelings for each other, things would have been different, but then the desert had happened and I’d lost my chance. Then Raven had breezed into my life with a sunshine smile over a decade later and made me feel warm and whole again.

I had some apologizing to do, but I just couldn’t find the right words to say. I had to find them.

As soon as I slid into the truck beside him, I caught his hand before he could start the engine. He turned to look at me wearing the saddest expression I’d ever seen on him and the lump firmly lodged in my throat grew even larger. I swallowed and threaded our fingers together. “I’m sorry, Raven. I—” I cleared my throat. “I shouldn’t have flown off the handle like that. It’s just that when you said you thought John might be a traitor, I guess I saw red.”

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