Page 50 of Gunner

“What’s happenin’?”

“I feel nothing, Locke. Nothing! Why don’t I feel anything?” I cry harder as he looks at me.

“You need help, Nat. Let him help you.”

“I’m so tired of everyone saying I need help!”

“Well, you do! You can face that fact, or you keep goin’ the way you are and have nothin’. You wanna lose them both?” he asks. More tears stream down my cheeks as I shake my head. That’s not what I want. I don’t want to lose them.

Locke turns and leaves the room with Jesse in his arms. I follow behind him, knowing I need to talk to Gunner. When I step into the main room, I see him. He’s got his hands against the wall, his head bowed forward. A piece of my heart shatters. I don’t want to do this to him. I don’t want to hurt him.

I walk over, slide under his arms, and wrap my arms around his waist, holding on tightly. Eventually, his arms fall, and he holds me against him.

“I don’t know what’s happening to me. I don’t feel anything, Gunner. Nothing.”

“We need to see the doctor then, Nat. This isn’t normal.”

“I know. I’m just scared. What if I’m like them? Like my parents.”

“You’re nothin’ like them, Natasa. Nothin’. You’re stressed, and you’re new to this. That’s it. Your hormones are all over the place.”

“You think that’s all it is?”

“Yeah, baby girl, I do. Will you talk to the doctor?”

“Yeah. I will.” He blows out a breath and holds me closer.

“Thank you.”

“What if it doesn’t get better?”

“It will. You just need somethin’ to help along the way.”

“How are you always so calm about things?” I ask.

“Because I know everything is gonna be okay, Nat. That’s how. I’m here. I’m not goin’ anywhere,” he tells me, and my heart beats faster. I haven’t made this easy on him and he’s still here. I don’t know how he does it. I don’t know how he stays with me.

“I’m sorry, Gunner.”

“Don’t do that. This isn’t your fault, baby girl. You’re goin’ through a lot. You’ve dealt with a lot in the past, and it’s all catchin’ up to you. I’m here, though; don’t shut me out, okay?”

“I’m trying not to. I really am. I just feel so bad.”

“And that’s why we’re gonna get you help.”

Chapter 23

Gunner

Postpartum depression. That’s what she’s been diagnosed with. The doctor gave her medicine that should help within the next couple of weeks, but there’s still that time in between. She isn’t herself, and I hate that for her.

“Where is Nat?” I ask as I walk into the main room after putting Jesse to bed.

“I haven’t seen her,” Remy replies as he glances around the same way I am.

“Hey, Kiki. You seen Nat?” I ask.

“No, I thought she was in bed.”

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