Page 49 of Gunner

“Don’t lie to me, Nat. I know you haven’t. What’s goin’ on?” Gunner walks over and sits on the edge of the bed, grabbing my hand in his. I slowly slip it away and stand, pacing the floor.

“I don’t know, Gunner. I don’t know. I just … I don’t feel anything. I feel numb.”

“What’s goin’ on in your head?”

“I don’t know! I just don’t feel,” I tell him once more. And I don’t. I don’t feel a thing. I don’t feel like a mother who loves her child. I don’t feel like a mother at all. I’ve done nothing for Jesse. Not a damn thing. Gunner has taken care of him for the past twoweeks. I’ve cried, and I’ve slept. That’s it. It feels horrible, but that’s all I want to do.

“I’m callin’ the doctor. You can’t keep doin’ this.”

“Doing what?”

“This.” He waves his hand through the air. “You sleep. You cry. You barely eat.”

“Well, excuse the fuck out of me for trying the best I can!” I scream at him. Gunner shakes his head, running his hand through his hair.

“I didn’t say that, Nat.”

“You didn’t have to.”

“You need help, baby girl. You need somethin’ to help make this shit better.”

“What I need is to sleep. I’m exhausted.”

“I know you are, but there’s a reason for that.”

“Yeah, I had a baby, Gunner.”

“Two weeks ago, Natasa. And you don’t even get up to feed him. I do.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, I’m not super mom like your ex,” I snap at him. He doesn’t deserve this. He really doesn’t because he’s done nothing but take care of Jesse since we’ve been home.

“Are you fuckin’ kiddin’ me right now? Why the fuck would you bring her into this?”

“I don’t know. Maybe you wanted this baby with her, not me.”

Gunner blows out a breath before walking toward me and wrapping his hand around the back of my neck. He keeps it locked there so I can’t move as he leans down into my face.

“I want you, Nat. I want Jesse. I want us. I don’t know how much more clear I can make it for you.”

“You want Jesse.”

“And I want you too, Natasa. Don’t do this to us. Let’s get you some help.”

“I’m fine,” I repeat through gritted teeth.

“You’re fine? That’s what you’re goin’ with?” I nod my head as he pulls away and walks to the door. He hollers for Rick, and in seconds, he appears with Jesse in his arms. Gunner quickly takes him and walks over to me, thrusting him at me.

“Hold our son,” he demands.

“I’m tired.”

“Hold our son, Natasa.”

“I said I’m tired.”

“Take him!” He roars this time. I reach for Jesse and pull him into my arms, but I still feel nothing. Not a damn thing. This isn’t right. I should feel something for my child. Anything. Tears slide down my cheeks as I look at him and then back to Gunner.

“Take him back,” I tell him. He shakes his head and walks away from me, leaving me in the room alone with Jesse. “Take him back!” I scream, startling the baby in my arms. “Take him, Gunner!” In seconds, Locke is in the room, taking Jesse from my arms and cradling him against his chest.

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