Page 72 of Worth Every Risk

“Alec. Shut up.” I press my lips together, then bite the bottom one and tilt my head to the side. “Maybe.”

He places his hands flat on the kitchen counter and leans across the island. “Tell meeverything.”

I shake my head and motion zipping my lips. “Nope. I don’t do gossip. Not about this, anyway.”

“Damn. This is the most interesting thing that’s happened in this house since Mr Hawkston busted Gemma having the affair.”

A pang tweaks my heart. “She cheated on him?”

Alec nods. “Yeah. But their marriage was over long before that. And really, I wouldn’t feel too sorry for him. He was never here, and when he was, they fought. I know he works hard, but he was very absent, and when he did show his face, he was grumpy as fuck and barely said a word.” Alec wipes the back of his hand over his forehead. “I’ve honestly never seen him like he was just now. He seemed like a real human being.”

I’m struggling to compute what Alec’s saying, because the man I spent the night with was not just a real human being, but one that’s kind and passionate and tender and…Shit.I’m already feeling far too much for him.

I suddenly remember the conversation I had with my mother, when she accused me of only liking men for sex. One night with Matt Hawkston, and I’m re-writing every previous opinion I’ve held about men. I’ve played up the whole ‘I love your dick’ thing because I don’t want him to freak out… and I don’t want to freak myself out… but if I’m honest, whatever this is between us, it’sbig. Emotionally big, not just physically. I like him.A lot.

But then I recall the man that shouted at me in the corridor yesterday, and I wonder if I like himenoughto make my peace with that. I’m so attracted to him that any real concerns about his behaviour flew out of my mind as soon as he kissed me. But now, in the cold light of day, with Alec staring at me over the kitchen island, I find it hard to reconcile the two versions of this man. How can he be so kind, so passionate, but also sharp, cold and closed off? I could excuse the shouting as stress… not onlyis he working hard, but he was worried for his daughter’s safety. But not every man would have lost his temper the way he did.

A strange wave of discomfort ebbs low in my belly.

No matter how wonderful it was to be in his arms last night, how connected I felt to him and how certain I was that this is more than just lust… I’m still not entirely convinced I haven’t made a big mistake.

The thought sits like a dead weight in my gut, but as I observe the sensation, it shifts. And to my surprise, I find I don’t care at all. It might well be a mistake, but it’s the best mistake I’ve ever made.

I spend the afternoon strolling around the west end. I walk the river from the Houses of Parliament all the way to the Tower of London. It’s beautiful and vibrant, and I love being able to do it, but I have an acute sense of loneliness. I ought to be sharing this experience with someone. And truthfully, there’s only one person I’d want to do it with, and he’s my boss.

My attention is intently focused on my old mobile phone, weighing down my pocket like a boulder. I’m waiting for it to ring, or buzz, but it doesn’t.

I try not to be disappointed. After all, Matt is with Lucie, and he’s probably too busy to be sending messages to me.

When I finally get home, my feet are aching, and I’m tired. I ate dinner alone, waiting on the text message that never arrived. I creep up to my room. The lights are low, and I can see the soft glow of Lucie’s night light. Matt must have already put her to bed.

And then it occurs to me; I know exactly what I need right now—a sauna. He did say I could use it, so I’m taking him at his word.

I strip off my clothes, wrap a towel around me, and head down to the basement in the lift.

A few minutes later, I enter the pool room and approach the sauna. I can smell the hot wood before I open the door. When I step inside, the heat blasts me like I’m stepping into hell; an impression that’s only accentuated by the dim red lights beneath the wooden slats of the benches.It’s wonderful.

None of the staff will be in the house because it’s Sunday night, so I’m feeling totally relaxed. I don’t know where Matt is. I assume he’s home, but he hasn’t contacted me and I don’t want to appear too eager. Although it’s possibly too late for that…

I take a seat on the wooden bench and close my eyes.

Fuck, it’s hot in here.

I breathe slowly, allowing the heat to penetrate my skin, reaching the deeper flesh. Sweat begins to pearl all over me and I lie down, still wrapped in my towel.

But if no one’s here, shouldn’t I be able to have the full sauna experience?I open my towel, spreading it on the bench, and I lie back down on top of it, fully naked. It’s glorious, allowing the heat to touch every forbidden part of me.

I’m immediately turned on, and I run my hands over my breasts, touching my hardened nipples, imagining it’s Matt doing it. In my mind’s eye, I see his large hands strumming my body. I see his face, his jaw, his dark eyes, that thick hair that begs to have my fingers twisted through it. His body… those muscles… that huge, hard dick…

My arousal zooms to one hundred per cent, and I feel a gush of wetness between my legs. I part my thighs, letting the heat hit my pussy.

After last night, I’ve been semi-aroused all day and haven’t done anything about it. But now, lying here naked in the safe cocoon of the sauna, it seems like the perfect moment. Before I get too hot and can’t take it anymore…

I slide my hand down to my pussy, which is already soaked. I laugh to myself. If Matt can get me this wet when he’s not even here, then I’m in deep trouble.

I raise my knees a little, digging my heels in to the bench beneath me as I drag my wetness up and over my clit. With my other hand, I knead one of my breasts, teasing the nipple. The images in my head are so vivid, I can almost smell Matt, feel his body pounding against mine, taste the salt of his sweat on my tongue.

Holy crap, this is unbelievable. I lift my hips a little off the bench, rubbing my clit, which swells beneath my fingertips. Pleasure zips through my body, little ecstatic buzzes ripping through my cells. I move my hand faster, needing my orgasm to break before the sauna gets so hot I can’t breathe. I moan in the heat, teetering right on the edge.

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