Page 83 of Worth Every Risk

Not that I resent him spending time with his son. It’s what he ought to be doing, and I should be glad he’s doing it, especially after he missed Charlie’s prize-giving because Lucie fell in the river.

No, I’m pleased he’s taking Charlie out. But there’s a hollowness in my chest, an empty ache behind my breastbone, and a dark sensation that hovers somewhere between panic and fear seeps in to fill the space.

23

MATT

Charlie hardly speaks at dinner. Or maybe it’s that I’m so distracted by thoughts of Aries that I’m not inviting conversation.

I stare at Charlie, his thin face, the hollows of his cheeks, the dark circles under his eyes. Barney’s words blast through my head.There are some things you can’t fix with money. Your son is a wreck.

I’m a terrible, terrible father.

“How was the end of term?” I ask, keeping my voice neutral to conceal the worry behind the question.

“Yeah, all right.” He scratches his eyebrow and doesn’t look at me. “Same old.”

“Sorry about Speech Day.”

He shrugs. “No worries.”

This is excruciating.“School okay? Your friends?”

“Yup.”

“What about the piano? Are you getting to practise much?”

“Some.”

For a few minutes we eat in silence. The happy noise of people socializing at nearby tables,enjoying themselves, is jarring. My ribs contract, squeezing at the air in my lungs, making my heart ache.Do we even fit in here?

“We’re taking the boat to the Med,” I say.

Charlie examines the taco on his plate, probably debating whether to attack it with his cutlery or lift the whole thing in one and put it in his mouth. He picks option two. “Mmm,” he replies with his mouth full. “When?”

“Monday.”

His eyes widen, but he says nothing, continuing to chew thoughtfully.

“Uncle Seb and Nico are coming too,” I add.

“Mmm,” Charlie mumbles, wiping his mouth on the back of his hand and swallowing roughly. “Great.”

“And Lucie and Aries.”

“Aries?”

“The nanny.” My heart thuds.Fuck.The mere mention of Aries in regular conversation makes my palms sweat.Pathetic. I rub my hands down my thighs.

“She’s still here then?” The sarcasm in Charlie’s tone has me stifling a wince. “Figured she wouldn’t have lasted long with you yelling at her.”

I stiffen. “If you’re referring to the boat race, I was angry because of what happened to Lucie. When you have kids, you’ll understand.”

Charlie scoffs. “Because I’ll love them as much as you love me?”

His words hit like an uppercut to the jaw, but I conceal their impact, keeping my voice even when I state, “I do love you.”

He tilts his head down, but his gaze rolls towards the ceiling.

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