Page 56 of Worth Every Risk

I push the thought away. Maybe he’s cold. The air conditioning is on, and that water was bloody freezing. It’s hard to warm up. I’m chilled almost to the bone.

What wouldn’t I give for a shower and a sauna right now…

His foot nudges mine again. This time he looks up, and when our eyes lock, everything stops. There’s a force in Mr Hawkston’s eye contact, like he’s physically pinning me down with it. My heartbeat ramps up. His lips part slightly as if he’s about to say something, but before any sound comes, his eyes slide to his sleeping daughter and then back to his phone, and we drive the rest of the way in silence.

Even after the driver pulls into the underground car park, Mr Hawkston doesn’t say anything. I can feel the anger and frustration rolling off him. I’m not even sure if it’s me he’s annoyed with or himself. Or Gemma. I don’t dare look at him in case the mere sight of me sets him off.

It’s only when he gets out of the car that he seems to switch back on, realising he has to be here with us, rather than with his phone.

He doesn’t speak to me as he lifts Lucie out of her car seat, and again she looks tiny in his arms. She’s still wrapped in the picnic rug and only half-awake, but her tiny hands cling around her father’s neck, her head lolling against his shoulder. I gather her wet clothes and follow the two of them into the house.

I drop the clothes in the laundry room in the basement, and when I get upstairs Mr Hawkston is talking in a low voice to a woman who’s standing with Mrs Minter in the hall. She must be the doctor.

At the sound of my approach, Mr Hawkston turns and passes Lucie to me. “Take her up. Run the bath, put her in her pyjamas. We’ll be up soon.”

He’s talking to me, but there’s no emotion. He’s like an automaton. Hasn’t even looked me in the eye.He’s so mad at me that he can’t meet my gaze. A nervous bubbling feeling starts in my lower belly.

I take Lucie in my arms, but Mrs Minter stops me, her hand on my shoulder.

“I’ll take her. You get changed. You need to get out of those clothes.”

Mr Hawkston is watching us, and there’s a slight narrowing of his eyes at her words, but he says nothing. I can’t read him, but I feel like I’m walking on eggshells. I mouth ‘thanks’ and shift Lucie into her arms, and she heads to the lift.

Mr Hawkston turns back to the doctor, continuing to whisper so as not to wake or alarm Lucie. Then the Doctor follows Mrs Minter.

Mr Hawkston takes the stairs two at a time. Even the way he walks up the stairs, each thick, muscular leg bulging in his wet trousers, is aggressive. His anger is a simmering fuel that’s surely about to blow.

I wait a moment before I follow him up. I don’t want to get too close. But my hope that he’s not aware I’m behind him is crushed when he turns sharply towards me on the second floor landing.

“What?” he says. “What do you want?”

My heart races, spreading nervous tingles through my torso. I hold my hands up in a gesture of surrender. “Nothing. I… nothing.”

He clenches his fists at his sides. “I can feel you judging me. Thinking I’m a bad father.”

I stand still.What does he want from me?“I’m not judging,” I whisper.

He takes one long step towards me, invading my personal space. “You shouldn’t be because it’s your fault this happened. All you had to do was keep Lucie close. You weren’t supposed to leave her alone with her mother. That fucking woman is too worried about her Louboutin shoes and her silk suits and the fucking blow-dry she got this morning to give a shit about the kids. Why don’t you judge her instead?” He jabs a finger in my direction and I flinch, but I don’t give way, despite the anger that’s steaming off him so hot and fierce it’s scalding my skin. He starts poking his own chest. “Not me. I’m fucking trying here, and I can’t do it with your eyes on me the whole time.”

He’s breathing hard, one hand fisted in his thick dark hair as he paces back and forth across the landing. I stand, rooted to the spot, watching him. He halts to look at me, his attention blasting like a series of electric shocks through every inch of my body.“All you had to do was look after her.” There’s a break in voice, and I glimpse a flash of what’s beneath the anger, as though he’s carved open his chest and exposed the panicked beating of his heart. He could have lost his child today, and the terror in his eyes causes a lump to form in my throat. “That’s your job. If you can’t even do that—”

My hand on his arm cuts him off. All I want to do is soothe him. “I’m sorry.”

He stares at where I’m touching him for a millisecond, and I dare to hope I might have stayed his anger, but he snatches his arm away. “Don’t touch me.” He’s clearly forgotten to worry about disturbing Lucie, because his voice is rough and thunderously loud, and he lets out a furious, rumbling groan, as though he’s beyond tormented. “If you touch me right now, I won’t be able to think. I can’t…fuck, Aries.” He tugs a hand through his hair, backing away from me at speed. My pulse pounds through my body, and his pain, hisconfusion, resonates deep in my flesh as though it’s mine. I can feel the ache of it everywhere. “This is important. It’s fucking important.”

“I know.” I try to keep my voice quiet, but it only increases the impression that I’m breaking too. “I understand that it’s—”

“No. You don’t.” All vulnerability vanishes from his expression as the angry, furious mask slides into place. “It’s not good enough. Not fucking good enough.”

It’s an effort not to crumble in the face of his fury, but I manage it, forcing myself to look him in the eye. “She was with her mother, and Gemma told me to stay back. I’m not your security team. I’m not a bodyguard and I’m not about to wrestle a child from her own mother’s arms. I don’t know your wife—”

“Ex-wife.”

I jerk my head to acknowledge his interruption. “I’d never met her before today. I don’t know her. I know nothing about her.This wasn’t a predictable event. It was an accident. Any of those kids on that bridge could have fallen into the water.”

He steps back, but his eyes are still full of fire. His jaw is so tight it looks like bone might snap. “An accident?” He shouts the words so loud, I’m sure everyone in the house can hear them. One of his hands is fisted by his side, while the other remains in his hair. “You don’t need to know her, you just need to obey my fucking rules.”

His anger is stirring up my need to retaliate. I want to lash out at him, but I don’t even know what I’d say. Maybe he’s right. I didn’t do what he asked. Maybe I did fail here…

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