Page 53 of Worth Every Risk

Gemma inhales sharply, her chest popping up. “How can you say such a thing? I’m not the one who was never home when the kids were in—”

“Don’t throw that shit at me now.” My words are so cold that for a second everyone freezes, and then Lucie wails in my arms. At first I think it’s tears, but then I realise she’s crying out a name.Ariel.

Aries steps up to me, ready to take Lucie. Part of me wants to keep hold of my daughter, to prove I’m the one she needs and to punish Aries for disobeying me, but Lucie is already reaching out to her with both hands, twisting herself out of my grip. I let Aries take her from me.

“Ariel?” Gemma says, looking Aries up and down, disdain distorting her face as she takes in how Aries’ skirt clings to her curves, outlining every inch of her hips and thighs. Lucie, cradled in Aries’ arms, shies away from the inspection, nuzzling into her chest, but Gemma doesn’t notice. “Is that why you jumped in the river? Because you’re a mermaid?” She laughs, but Aries faces her off with a stone-cold glare, then turns to look at me.

“I’ll take Lucie to the car. I’m going to take her home. You can come with us, or stay and we’ll see you later.”

Without waiting for me to give a verdict on her plan, Aries presses through the gathered onlookers, heading back towards the car, Lucie’s tiny form cocooned in her arms.

Charlie stares at me and his mother, his gaze wary as though he really doesn’t want to be here with either of us.

“Thank you.” I lay a hand on his shoulder. “For trying to help. But you'll have forfeited the race by diving off the boat.”

Charlie shrugs, forcing my hand off him at the same time his jaw tightens. “I wasn’t going to keep rowing when Lucie was in the river.”

“The boys won’t like that,” Gemma snaps, and I know immediately she means Mark Charlton’s sons, Ben and Hugo.

“Why do you even care what they think?” I fire back. “Your daughter nearly drowned.”

“She was perfectly fine,” Gemma states as though she wasn’t panicking and screaming like a banshee only minutes ago. “I knew you’d get her out.” She drags her gaze up my wet body. My suit is clinging in all the wrong places, and the way she’s staring increases the discomfort. “You’re a mess. You should go home with your nanny. No doubt that’s where you want to be anyway.”

The last sentence sounds so dismissive that I’m immediately riled. “I will.” I pick my jacket off the grass where I left it—now my only dry piece of clothing—and put my hand on Charlie’s arm. “Come with me.”

He glances at his mother as if unsure for a moment, but then nods and together we walk after Aries and Lucie.

People part to let us through, and it’s only now, as we head for the crowded bridge, that I realise most of the people gathered on the other side of the water are watching us too.

What a fucking spectacle.At least Lucie’s all right. That’s all that matters. But she didn’t want me. She wanted Aries. I’d be lying if I said that doesn’t sting. It does. My own daughter didn’t want me to hold her, even when I was the one who pulled her out of the river.

I know I should be thankful to have a nanny she likes enough to cry out for, but it makes me wonder if I’m failing as a parent.Am I the same as Gemma? Both of us, just as bad… neither one wanted in the moment of our daughter’s distress?But then Gemma’s right too… in Lucie’s short life, I’ve been more absent than not.

I’m so possessed by the guilt coursing through me that I barely notice anything around me. Charlie’s by my side, but we don’t talk. I know he’ll be upset about forfeiting the boat race, and his team won’t be happy either. He’s one of the youngest rowers on the team, and to get a place was a real achievement. One I’m not sure I’ve ever acknowledged. To throw it all up for his little sisterwas brave, in more ways than one. I’m so proud of the kid, but I don’t know how to tell him.

“Are you really going home with the nanny now?” he asks once we clear the bridge.

“Yes.”

“Aren’t you staying for the speeches?”

Shit. Speech Day isn’t even over yet. There’s the whole speeches and prize-giving affair in the main hall to endure. I stop walking and face him, holding my hands up. “I’m covered in river water. I smell like a stagnant pool of crap.”

“You can shower in my room. I can lend you something to wear,” he says, and I can see in his face how much he wants me to stay. A shower does sound good, but I’m not sure I’ll fit into any of Charlie’s clothes. He’s tall and lean, whereas I’m broad. “I have a spare school uniform.” He gives me a cautious smile, and I laugh, and the strange tension between us lifts a fraction. I want to be the father he needs, but I’m torn. Lucie’s had a shock today, and to abandon her doesn’t feel right.

“Are you up for any prizes?” I ask.

A brief flicker of disappointment crosses Charlie’s face. “No.”

I sigh with tormented relief. If I leave now, at least I won’t be missing Charlie on stage. “I should go home. Check on Lucie.”

Charlie’s cheeks redden, and his eyes flash with anger. “It’s all about the fucking prizes, isn’t it? There’s no point staying if I’m not winning anything.”

“No. That’s not it at all. Lucie fell in the river.”

“She’s got the nanny.”

“And you’ve got your mum,” I say, my tone harsher than I intended. Charlie’s face hardens, and I try to soften my voice, but the register barely shifts, and I still sound angry as I add, “If circumstances were different, I would stay. But today, I can't. I'm sorry. I’ll send the car for you at the end of term. We’ll have the whole holiday together.”

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