Page 45 of Worth Every Risk

The car is quiet as we ride up to Marsden College. We’re all in the back, facing one another like the inside of a black cab. I’m next to Lucie in her car seat, and Mr Hawkston is opposite us. He’s wearing a suit, but he’s barely looked up from his mobile phone. Clearly, my comments about severing the human connection were ignored.Perhaps he doesn’t want a connection.

Or maybe he is that important. Maybe this is still a workday for him, much like it is for me.

I pin my hands between my knees, trying to stay as still as possible. I’m nervous about meeting Charlie, Mr Hawkston’s teenage son. Mrs Minter alluded to the fact that he’s got himself into a bit of trouble in the past, but didn’t give me details. And if what Alec said about the Hawkson’s marriage being that unhappy is true, then I’m sure the kid has been through a lot. Acting out a little wouldn't be surprising.

My heart is also hammering from being so close to Mr Hawkston for such a long time. It takes about an hour to reach the school and the car is full of the scent of him… expensive, rich, with notes of cedar and sandalwood and a host of other things I don’t know the name of. I don’t know if the scent itself is a good one, or if it’s because it’s his, but it turns me on.

I laugh inwardly at the idea that I thought I could ignore my attraction to him. It’s so intense that just being near him has the slow thump of a pulse beating between my legs.

Holy hell, this is inappropriate.His daughter is right here in the car. But even so, I can’t push it away. I can’t order my body not to feel whatever it is I’m feeling for him.

I wonder if he’s feeling the tension too, but there’s no way of knowing for sure. He’s barely paid me any notice.

Lucie falls asleep, but still, Mr Hawkston doesn’t look up from his phone. The longer this journey is, the more tense I feel.

Finally, he slides his phone into his pocket and stares out of the window. “You’re responsible for Lucie,” he says without looking at me. “Keep her out of trouble. She’s never been to Charlie’s Speech Day before.”

“Okay.”

“My ex-wife will be here.”

Clearly, it’s troubling him. “I know. You told me.”

“Don’t know why she’s coming. Gemma doesn’t give a fuck about the kids. Never did.”

I frown, and my mouth unhinges as I let out a tiny gasp, my gaze shooting to Lucie.Still asleep, thank goodness.But even so, how can he speak about his child’s mother like that in front of her?

“She’s asleep.” Mr Hawkston throws the words at me as though he knows exactly what I was thinking, but it doesn’t deter him as he mutters, “And her mother is a bitch.”

Okay, that I can’t ignore. “Shhhh. Her subconscious is wide awake.”

He raises an eyebrow. “Her subconscious knows it’s true.”

I fold my arms over my chest. I’m not about to argue with him while Lucie is in the car. He shakes his head as if to say, ‘You have no idea’. It’s either that or ‘you’re ridiculous’, and I can’t decide which is more unsettling. Neither of us speaks for a long time.

“You’re quiet,” he says, eventually. It’s funny how he’s always asking me to stop talking, but then whenever I do, he wants to hear me speak again.He’s conflicted.

I don’t oblige him and in the silence, Lucie snores. Mr Hawkston looks sideways at her, makes a grunting noise, and goes back to his phone. “Did you find that friend you were looking for?”

“Friend?”

He holds eye contact. “Yes. When you arrived, you said you didn’t know anyone in London. Have you found people?”

The air hums between us and I wonder if he’s remembering that very first conversation we had, where I expressed the hope we’d get to know one another. And not as boss and employee. I guess that won’t happen now, because we’re stuck in these roles.

But then, given what his ex-wife looks like, I’m not sure he’d go for me anyway.

“I’ve been spending a bit of time with Alec. That’s who I was out with the night...” I begin to blush, knowing he doesn't want to be reminded. “The eggs. You know…”

Something flashes in his gaze, and he mutters a curse under his breath. “I remember.”

Heat flashes through me.Awkward.“He’s such a great chef,” I continue, sticking to a safer topic of conversation. “The snacks he makes over in the staff house are delicious. Amazing. And the accommodation… That staff block is so nice. So generous.”

Mr Hawkston shifts in his seat, and a surly look crosses his face. “It’s not generous. It’s part of their remuneration. I’ve generally found staff work better and harder if their other needs are taken care of.”

The way he talks about ‘staff’ makes me wonder if he sees other humans as actual people or useful animal types he can herd and control. Give them greener grass, and they grow better wool type thing…

“Gemma will expect to see Lucie today. I don’t want you to leave them alone together.”

---