Page 31 of Worth Every Risk

I don’t need to look in the mirror to know I look like shit compared to them. I’m pretty sure an unhappy marriage does more to age a person than the passage of time. Nico could easily pass as a couple of years younger than me, despite being older.

Nico glances at me, and that look is still in his eyes. He’s worried about my son—maybe worried about me too—but he doesn’t want to say it out loud. Maybe he thinks I’ll take it as a personal criticism. I’m already paranoid about being a shit father.Maybe I am one.Gemma screamed it at me so many times over the years we were together that it’s an ingrained part of my identity.

“Did he say something?” I ask Nico.

Nico’s gaze slides from mine, then locks on again. “Not really. He’s your kid, and it’s not my place to speculate. But it’s probably been hard on him, this last year. The divorce and all that. It might be worth checking in.”

Shitty father, shitty father.

I nod, not sure what else to do. “Let’s keep playing.”

I bend to put the ball back on the tee, waiting for Nico and Seb to move out of the way. Then I take the shot again, but the result is the same. A trickle off the tee.

We’re all silent for a few seconds before Nico picks up the ball again.

Behind me, Seb tuts. “Who’s got your balls in a knot, Matty?”

“Oh, fuck off.” My response is so fast it reveals everything.

Nico’s eyes narrow. “Is there someone? And if you say Gemma, I’ll punch your lights out.”

I roll my eyes at his false bravado. Nico’s big, but he doesn’t have my bulk. “Of course it’s not Gemma. Plus, we don’t have any unnecessary contact. That woman’s getting nowhere near my balls.”

“Glad to hear it. She had them in a vice for long enough.” He tugs on the wrist of his glove, making it tighten over his fingers. “It’s not work, is it? There’s nothing huge looming right now. Everything’s under control.”

“It’s not work,” Seb says, grinning and pointing his finger at me. “There’s asomeone.” He glances at Nico. “He’s acting exactly like you did when you first had that thing going on with Kate. Before you did the deed, you were as frustrated as fuck.”

Seb’s not wrong there, and I curse my youngest brother’s observational skills. I was out in the States when Nico started his affair with Kate Lansen, but even over the phone, I could tell there was something going on with him.

Seb looks back at me. “Someone’s under your skin. I knew something was up at the first tee. Your shoulders are as tight as a pig’s arse. No wonder you can’t hit the ball.”

“Last chance,” Nico says, putting the ball back on the tee for me, then moving out of my swing zone.

I take position and roll my shoulders. Even after the sauna, they’re still tense. “There’s no one.” I swing back, driving the club through to strike the ball, but it doesn’t go well, hookingoff to the right and landing in the long grass off the side of the fairway.

They laugh.

“Liar,” says Nico. He steps up and places his own ball on the tee, swinging effortlessly, arcing the ball gracefully down the fairway.

“That’s how you hit the ball when you’re getting laid,” Seb gloats, smacking me on the shoulder.

“Hmm. How’s Kate’s spa project coming along?” I ask Nico, desperate to change the subject.

He keeps his eye on his ball, which is still rolling. When it stops, he turns his attention to me. “Don’t change the topic. It’s great. She’s great. Thanks for asking. Maybe you’ll have a partner to bring to the plunge pool by the time it’s up and built.”

My stomach does a weird flip at the suggestion, and an image of Aries in her tiny wet t-shirt and skimpy pyjama shorts flashes in my mind. “I’ll give the plunge pool a miss.”

Seb steps up to take his turn. “Stop trying to avoid the question. Who’s the someone? You know we’ll have it out of you by the eighteenth hole, so you might as well tell us now. Maybe we can help.”

“Don’t pretend you want to help,” I say. “You want to have a laugh at my expense. You’re already grinning like a fucking monkey.”

Seb tries to contain his smile, but fails spectacularly. “Okay. Fine. But we’ll have it out of you either way.”

I heave a great sigh and my resistance melts. I need to talk about this situation with someone, and my brothers are the only people I can safely chat about this shit with. “It’s the nanny.”

“Oof,” Seb says, putting a hand on his heart and pretending to fall backwards. “Did you fuck her?”

“Is she hot?” Nico asks.

---