Page 32 of Harry

“Darling…,” she began when he shook his head.

“No. Nothing you can ever say to me is going to make a difference. Is going to make it better.” He was cold or perhaps it was the wet clothing he was wearing, or it could be the emptiness he felt inside his heart. He couldn’t tell. “She knows most of what I went through. Some of it I cannot say out loud.” His mouth twisted bitterly.

“Like when we went fishing in the winter and he told me to jump into the water to retrieve the net. And when he taunted me, saying that I need to ‘man up’. That’s what he said. ‘Man, up boy, you’re too weak. Sink or swim, your choice.’” His face was cold and closed off.

“I was freezing and thought this was the time he would go too far, and I was going to die. I was bloody thirteen.” His eyes flashed. “I was as sick as a dog after that, and you told me everything was going to be fine. It never was. You lied.”

Madelyn felt as if a terrible weight was pressing down on her chest, and she could not get it off.

“I need to tell you something.”

“It’s too late for stories, I’m afraid.”

“Please.” She held out a hand beseechingly. “Just hear me out.”

He nodded, reaching out a hand for Shep as the dog wandered in. His fingers sank into the silky coat, causing the animal to whimper and simply curl up at his feet.

Madelyn eyed the animal for a second before pursing her lips and taking a deep breath. What she had to say wasn’t easy, but it had to be told.

“Your father was part of a twin.”

“That’s not news. I heard some whispers of it when I was growing up.”

“Yes.” She pressed her lips together and forced herself to go back to a past she had deliberately put aside, because it was too painful.

“But you don’t know everything.” She stared sightlessly at her tightly clasped hands and felt the pressure on her chest increasing. “His name was Harry. We named you after him. He was older than Richard by five minutes and they were so close, not even air could get in between them.

They were so close; they finished each other’s sentences, and they did everything together.” She fought back the tears threatening. It was not time for that. Somehow, she had to get through to her son.

“We grew up together and Harry…” She swallowed the painful lump that had formed inside her throat. “He was gentle, sweet, and loving. He balanced his more aggressive brother, was the only one who could calm him down.

And Harry loved him to pieces. Loved him more than anyone in the world. They were both in love with me, but I was in love with Harry.

I thought I was drawn to his sweetness- the loving quality and the way he had of putting himself last. And his sense of humor. He had the ability to drawn you out of any depression you were going through.” She took a breath. “Richard loved him so much that he was willing to lose gracefully and let us be together. We became a unit.

We were seventeen when tragedy struck.” She could not sit still anymore. Rising almost unsteadily, she walked over to the cabinet and carefully chose a glass. Pouring the amber liquor into it, she took a fortifying sip, before coming to take her seat.

“Then tragedy struck. Harry decided to take the boat out that summer afternoon. I had gone into town with friends and Richard was out doing some errands. There was a freak storm, one of those that strikes without warning.

A darkening of the sky and before you know it, you had to run for cover. I recalled rushing into a storm with my friends and complaining that I had just got my hair styled and now it wasruined.” She took another sip of the drink and stared off into the fireplace, her brow knitted, a faraway look on her face.

“No one knew that Harry was out. We all assumed he was with Richard. Until Richard returned home in the night. He too had been caught in the storm and had to take shelter. I was home when I received the call. They thought he was with me and when the hours had passed, we got concerned.”

She pressed her lips together as the anguish of that day swept over her. “The coastguards found the boat and his body washed several miles away. He was an excellent swimmer, but he was not proof against the waves. He drowned and that day marked the last time any of us were ever happy again.”

She took another sip of the drink. “Richard took it the hardest. He had to go to therapy. He had lost his soul, his heart, that was what his brother had been to him. And it changed him for the worse. We got married because of the closeness we felt to Harry, but it was a bad idea.

We both lived with the knowledge that Harry was my first love, and he was my only love. Yes, I loved your dad in my own way, but never like I did his brother and we both knew it.” She tookanother sip of the liquor and stared as if in surprise that it was still in her hand.

Looking over at her son, who had remained silent during the revelation, she searched his face for some sort of clue that he understood.

“You married him as a consolation prize, and I bore the brunt of it.”

She blanched at that and slowly nodded.

“Great.” He got up so suddenly that it had Shep lifting his head and watching warily. “Now what, Mother? You want me to forgive and forget and move on?”

Putting away the glass, she clasped her hands together. “I want to stop you from making the biggest mistake of your life. I want to tell you – assure you that you are not him. You are a different person, darling.

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