Page 28 of Harry

And she had wedged herself so deeply, it had become permanent and disturbing as well as terrifying. He had made love to her three times, with just a few minutes break in between. He had been greedy and behaved like a man who had been without food for months.

Then had discovered a sumptuous banquet laid out before him. He was puzzled at how much she affected him. She was not the most beautiful woman he had ever been with, and he had been with plenty. More than his fair share.

Women had been his solace. Sex had been something he lose himself in whenever things were going wrong at home, which boiled down to every bloody day.

He stared at her and winced slightly at the faint bruise on her neck. She was turned onto her side facing him, her long lashes making shadows on her cheek. Her hair was a tangled mess, made more so by his restless fingers. He had used his mouth on her body, the taste of her was still on his tongue.

He did not want to lose that. As if he could, he thought whimsically. He was leaving her, running like a coward because he had no idea what the bloody hell to do. She wanted hearth and home, and he wanted…? He shook his head.

Well, Christ! He wanted her. It was that simple. He wanted her. But the price to pay for that was too heavy. A father for Christ sake! He would not know where to begin to be one. The only example of one had been really lousy. A man who used his words as some would use their fists.

A man who believed utterly in punishing one for even the slightest infraction or what he believed was one. A man who hadtaken pleasure in putting everyone else down. Even the servants had been terrified of him.

He had once witnessed his tantrum at the dinner table. He claimed the duck was cold and unsavory and had blasted the chef, throwing the entire meal onto the floor, and demanding that it be cleaned up by the cowering maids. And then ordering the chef to prepare something else.

Harry recalled that he had been starving and had just started eating when the man started with his nonsense. Dinner had not been served until ten and he was not even allowed to eat a snack. That was the lifestyle, that was the home he came from.

Lifting a hand, he pushed back the hairs from her forehead and let his touch linger. No, he decided. He was not fit to be a father. He told her he needed time, and he did. But he had no idea what he was going to do.

Now that he had her again, tasted her, sipped at her lips, suckled her nipples, loved her with his tongue and his cock, now that he was coated all over with her scent, he could not stay away. But he had a decision to make, and it was going to take him some time.

*****

Janelle stretched languidly and wondered why she felt bruised all over. And sore between her thighs and incredibly tired and relaxed at the same time. Her eyes flickered open and memories came rushing back.

When it did, she sat up and stared at the tangled sheets, realizing it was not an erotic dream. Harry was here last night. And now he was gone. Trying to quell the sharp heartache and bitter disappointment, she started to get out of bed when she saw the note on the side table.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, she picked it up and opened it slowly.

“Hi. I have to run and yes; I am dashing off as usual. That happens whenever I am faced with a difficult situation. And right now, I am. It makes no bloody sense for me to say that I don’t care, because that would be a lie. I care. More than. You have me twisted up darling. Turned inside out and wondering what was going on.

I sat here watching you sleep and did not want to leave. Last night was …, let’s say it was magnificent. Amazing. But what you require of me is something I’m not certain I can ever accomplish or give to you. Like I said before, I need time.

Please don’t call me and take the bloody money. I will be there as best as I can. You know the scars I carry around with me, the horrors of my past, the man who beat me down to dust.

You listened when I told you and you made it bearable. But I’m afraid that he is inside me, buried deep inside me and I will become him. That one day, something – some anger, something vile will rise up and I will end up hurting you and those babies. Believe it or not, I am thinking of you and of them.

“I need time. Christ! I am so twisted up inside, I don’t know where I am going. Don’t hate me darling. Do you hate me? Will you think of me as an asshole? Because I am. I believe I am. I should be there with you. For you.

At the same time, I cannot bear the idea of another man touching you. Just touching you. It makes me want to commit murder. Listen to me, Christ! This is a mess. I am a mess. Just – just give me time, okay? I need it.”

She read it three times until she saw the tears, she never knew she was shedding, falling on the page, and blurring the words.

“You damn fool,” she whispered. “You idiot. Yes, I will wait. I will give you the time you asked for, but I am not giving up on you. On us.” Folding the paper carefully, she slid it into the drawer and just sat there for a moment.

She could call in sick. Michael would encourage her to stay home. But she wanted to occupy herself. Staying home would only make her think. Make her feel hopelessly tangled up. He had all but admitted that he loved her, something she already knew. Rubbing a hand over her belly, she felt the fluttering and smiled.

“We are not giving up on daddy, are we darlings? No way.”

*****

“What do you think?”

She made a circle around the room and took in the wood paneling as well as the high beam ceiling.

“Strong structure, columns are simply beautiful. And I love the wide-open spaces. This place is wonderful.” She walked over to the window to look out at the sweep of the stunning landscaped lawn. “It’s very big.”

“Yes, it is.” He came to stand next to her. “It is up for sale. A buddy of mine is moving to Wyoming to start farming.” A smile touched his lips. “He offered to sell it to me, and I am supposed to give him my answer in a couple of days.” David turned to face her. “I was wondering if Michael said anything to you.”

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