Page 82 of War Games

“Don’t say that. It destroyed you. You had two options. Live with it and remain staunchly yourself with a righteous sense of right or wrong, or let them break you. The moment you had a chance to forget, you did.”

“I didn’t decide to forget,” I whispered, wondering if I had really done it to myself.

“No, you didn’t. You never told anyone. You didn’t tell your sister the truth about it. You didn’t tell your friends. You didn’t tell Shane. It was something you didn’t even want to think about. Eventually, you became a werecat, and it became something you didn’t remember, forging ahead with a new chance at life, leaving it behind entirely.” Subira sighed. “Perhaps there was some magic involved. Perhaps to keep the curse in check, your mind corrected for you, hiding this devastating piece of your life.”

“You think so?”

“If this had happened to a werecat child, they wouldn’t have survived it, not in their human form,” Subira said as she sat next to me.

They would have gone through the Last Change and tried to protect themselves… because I had given into his claims to do the same thing for myself because I had no other way of protecting myself.

“There’s no way of knowing the truth, but think of it like this… if you remembered that, would you have been able to stand in the same room with anyone who claimed to be your family?” Subira reached out and touched my shoulder. “There’s a reason I never brought it up, knowing that forcing this could hurt you. Sadly, we didn’t have a choice, thanks to what’s happened to you.”

“I…” I just wanted to cry. I just wanted to forget again. I wanted the pain to go away. My father had gone about his life thinking he’d done nothing wrong. That was how he could look me in the eye in Russia.

My biological parents were monsters.

“He broke me,” I cried softly, covering my face, sobbing alongside the younger version of myself, right where my father had left her.

“He got very close, but you are so strong, Jacky. You are so strong.” Subira wrapped her arms around me. “You kept going. You never lost yourself.”

“Why couldn’t they love me?”

“Because they loved themselves more and didn’t know how to love you. They didn’t even know the meaning of the word.” Subira held me tighter. “But I will always choose you over me. You hear me? I will always trust you. I will always love you. You won’t break our family. You never broke that one. It was always broken, and they needed someone to blame.”

I nodded, letting her hold me as she told me everything I needed to hear.

“And Hasan, for all his faults, will never hurt one of his daughters the way your father hurt you,” she whispered, sounding like it wasn’t meant for my ears but something she was telling herself, a promise she was making or a truth she was reminding herself of. “Nor the way mine hurt me.”

I pulled away, looking at her. Her father was the original werecat, a brother to the witch who had cast the curse that afflicted both of them. He was, by all whispers I had heard, a monster.

“What do you mean?”

“What? Did you hear me?” Subira asked, frowning.

“Yeah.”

Subira’s eyes went wide. Clearly, she hadn’t meant to say it out loud.

“Oh. That would explain the change in scenery,” she said, exhaling a terrified breath. “You heard my thoughts while we were…” She released me quickly. “I wasn’t paying enough attention.”

I looked around and had no idea where we were. It wasn’t anywhere I had ever seen before.

“Where are we?” I asked, wondering what games the fae magic was playing now, grief being buried by fear.

“We’re deep in my memory now,” Subira answered, sounding more scared than I had ever heard her. “Just… let it happen, Jacky. If we’re in my memory, maybe that means I can break this connection, and your time in the dreaming land here is over.”

“What are we about to see?” I asked. I heard a whimper and turned to see Subira looking just the way I knew her, but not.

She was on the ground next to the base of a tree and was bleeding. Most importantly, from between her legs, a bump onher belly told me the truth. I wanted to gag as I looked for anyone else, knowing the real Subira was standing near me, focusing on trying to deal with the magic and get through this moment.

I found Hasan on the ground, and if I hadn’t known he was alive and well in the modern day, I would have been convinced he was going to die, based on his injuries.

“What happened?” I asked, pleading to Subira, turning back to her. “Who…”

“This is what my father did when he learned of my pregnancy,” she answered. “The pregnancy I carried for the husband he had decided on, but I forged a real relationship with. He’d attacked me, and when Hasan tried to help me, my father tore him up.” She pointed to each of the bodies in the memory. “Zuri and Jabari were mysecondpregnancy. This was the fate of the first. They don’t know that. I promised myself I would only give birth once. It took over five hundred years for me to be ready to try again a second time. After giving birth to the twins, I decided no more.” Subira took a deep breath. “Now, let us go. It’s time, Jacky. You weren’t supposed to see this. Let’s not linger, please.”

She held out a hand, and I took it, knowing as I held her hand that she was the strongest woman I had ever met. She had just journeyed through my worst memories, able to shoulder those with me. I wouldn’t ask anything more about this and wouldn’t try to linger.

---